Desperation vs Determination

I think I finally reached the mindset I've been hoping for and I wanted to share it here!

For the past few weeks, I've realized I wasn't just advocating for Valko because I wanted his return, I was desperate for it.

Every rumor mattered, every negative post ruined my mood, every day without news felt like a step backwards because I needed good news just to feel okay.

The most frustrating part with this was, I fully knew that it wasn't good for me.

I knew constantly chasing news and needing to have good ones wasn't healthy. I tried to keep those feelings in check, I know how to rationalize things, how to pull myself back from a bad place. I knew that this desperation to get Valko back needed to change, but knowing something and truly feeling it are two very different things. Plus I was also a bit afraid that without being desperate, I would lose my motivation.

Now this change finally happened, I don't fully know why, maybe it was because I let myself fight with people a bit about the new Hashtag yesterday, maybe because I let go of fighting today to fully focus on spreading love for Valko again. Whatever it was, I could feel the change.

I still want Valko back just as much as I did before. If anything, I want it even more now. But I don't feel desperate anymore, I feel determined.

Desperation makes you chase every rumor, panic over every setback and feel like even the possibility of a "no" is the end.

Determination, for me, is like an inner force saying "I know what I'm fighting for, I'm not going anywhere and I'm gonna get what I want."

I'm no longer going to measure my happiness by whether Infold says something this week or the next months.

Instead, I'm focusing on what we can control: Supporting each other, creating art, helping organizations and keeping the conversation alive in a respectful way.

Thankfully, letting go of that desperation has made me more committed than ever. I'm done letting uncertainty decide whether I have a good day or waiting for some news to give me hope.

I don't need hope anymore, because I'm gonna keep fighting for Valko, not because I'm afraid of him not returning but because I'm only gonna stop at his return.