I can't get it out of my head how much physically stronger than men are from me

I'm (35f) visiting my parents with my fiancée (32f) and my cousin (32m). My fiancée and I have this big heavy suitcase that we pack. It's heavy enough that I usually just slide it up the stairs because I can't physically carry it up, my fiance is able to because she's 6ft 225 lbs! My cousin though, he's a very scrawny guy, seriously a strong breeze can blow him over! Picked up the suitcase and carried it up the stairs like it was nothing!

When I would date men, also my fiancée since she has 60lbs on me, they were always the ones to really be in control, even if it's myself who's loving on my partner. I feel when it comes to physical intimacy my partners always knew how to make my body feel like jelly, to the point moving itself is too exhausting

I was also raped by a man I knew in college and I was powerless to do anything when I was under his control. As much as I tried to fight him off I couldn't even move him.

For all the good and bad this is something that is just always in my mind every time I'm around men, and for me the starkest contrast between our two sexes