post MA feelings. vent

Hi i had an MA a few weeks ago and i’ve always felt hesitant and sad about it but it made sense to get it done. i was only 5 weeks, had no symptoms besides missed period and tender breasts. im also now a week away from a cross country move without my bf. we’ll still be dating but long distance, so it makes sense why now wouldn’t be the right time to have a child. ever since getting it done, ive felt so much sorrow. the day after the whole experience, i found out my childhood ex friend just had her first baby. now i feel sadness she got to “keep” hers and i didn’t. i would also have been due around march which is me and my bfs one year anniversary and around the time of my mothers death anniversary.
This is what is eating my up right now- the thing im struggling with at the moment is getting to me and absolutely wrecking me is, my bday falls on mother’s day and i was born on mother’s day. im adopted and don’t have a relationship w my bio mom and my adoptive mom died when i was a tween. next year i would have a newborn on mother’s day which would also be my birthday and that breaks my heart that it won’t happen for another 6 or so years and i did this. and my bfs mom and i share the same bday so her having her first grandchild on her bday on mother’s day would be probably cool for her.
i knew i should’ve researched more before getting it done but 1- i couldn’t wait long bc i didn’t want to be further along it would’ve made it too hard to do and i wouldn’t probably have gone through with it if i was more than 7 weeks (bc the more i would process and settle w the fact im pregnant the more harder it would be for ME to choose this option) . 2- i knew if i looked more into it, the timeline, grief and everything i would’ve talked myself out of it. but now im finding out all this information after.
i know it was the “right” decision for our situation right now, going through 9 months of pregnancy and appointments without him there would be so hard on. it’s of us and i need to travel to him to visit anyways bc he has school and work and we knew this agreement for the move and the pregnancy would’ve just made it so much worse and complicated.
i don’t have a mom to talk to or any siblings or aunts or cousins or friends. please if this gets approved for posting i really need a female who’s been through this to talk to please 🩷