I'm falling apart

Lost my brother to suicide, we grew up together in complicated circumstances that I failed to protect him from.

I just dont have any energy or interest in anything. I'm always irritated. I can't even be bothered to shower or brush my teeth. People say lean on your support systems but then nobody actually sticks around when things go south. I'm completely mentally exhausted and I don't want to do anything and I don't want to work to make things better, it all feels pointless.