I am confused [AMAB 19]

{DISCLAIMER: SEXUAL STUFF - please don't read if you're under 16}
phew... there it goes...

Recently (last 6 months or so), I started to feel... wierd... like, I had for some reason a wierd and stupid Idea, steal my mom's bra and dress, and cross-dress as a woman (I'm a male). at the beginning it was (sorry 😢) hornifying, and as the shit horny mf i am, I started to.. m*st*rbate.
I am and was aware of it being wrong, so I was just: dont ever do it again and go watch p*rn or something. but then... after few weeks, I felt like an urge to do it again, and after another few weeks again... and it became less and less for m*st*rbation and more of, I somewhy want to dress like that.

I dont know what have got into me, but I had like flashing pictures of me sometimes, at certian situations, and I always thought: how would it feel to a woman? and then my brain pictured me as the woman to try and figure that out. Situations like: sitting in the bus when a bit uncomfortable because of a wierd dude, or just me and my friends (I have a certian friend that its funny how differently he treats me and my other boy friends vs. my girl friends - I dont very much like him btw, but not for much of a reason) etc....
Honorable mention: I have a really good friend for 12 years and 2 years ago she came out to me (not only me) as trans-woman. Now she is a real girl (although still before transition): her attitude, how she acts and her prespective and... like your average cis-girl but shoved inside a male body + the genderdysphoria (not liking her body and depression...)

about a month or 2 ago I crossed-dressed again, for some reason cried about how wierd is that I
act like a boy
talk like a boy
love (girls) like a boy
think like a boy
view s*x like a boy
look like a boy and think that I look fine as a boy,
and get along more with the boys;
and yet for some reason, this girl flashes and urges and a bit internal uneasyness is keeping and coming back. I thought, and still, that maybe I am getting very confused with me liking and being attracted to the look of girls, to me wanting to look like as a girl. you know, the known: sexual attraction vs body envy problem.
After crying a bit, I decided that If it will come back to me again and attack me, I'll try to give more thought to it. and it came, after I started recently to feel less connected with the boys-stuff my friends are doing and enjoying.

It is still very strange to me, because I still refer to myself as a boy, and when I meet with a cute girl I think of me and her as: boy and girl, but sometime when there's a cute or just an hot guy (it appeared to me that I am BiSexual), I think of it not as boy and boy, but as boy and girl (where the girl is me, enjoying to be the girl). Another thing that is wierd to me, is from my friend and reading in forums, genderdysphoria and trans people show signs of not liking their current body, depression, appeal from a young age to the world of the other gender, and indifferense to the distance boys and girls experiense from the other gender (where boys are like: I dont want/like that, I am a boy - and vice versa with girls about boy-ish stuff/act).

Thanks for reading this whole scroll of yapping 🥰

{Note: please excuse me for my level of English, it is not my mothertonge.}