Three years ago today I woke up and decided to take 8g with my breakfast, which was a poor decision on my part.  I took them in an unfamiliar place, hundreds of miles from home, but i had great friends and my wonderful wife. 

I had tripped before, but only mildly. We took an ounce with us for our group but only my wife and I had partaken.  My wife had macrodosed in the past and did well, but nothing profound or crazy as far as tripping. 

That morning, I took 8g of penis envy. The effects began in 15 minutes. We went back to the camp and at first I felt anxious and scared. I cried at first for no reason, I thought. Then it came to me about how I could never share this with my blood relatives, how i was always judged for any and everything i did. 

How my nieces and nephews I'd helped raise were ripped away from me because I didnt tolerate abuse and control anymore. 

As I let the feelings come in, I looked to the trees. It looked exactly like the Alex Grey painting of the green hands with eyes. I kept hearing "Let go" over and over, until finally I did. The sky erupted into a kaleidoscope. I couldn't hear the music or anyone around me anymore, but was instead surrounded by this web like hologram (best I can describe) where everything and everyone existed all at once. I was everything and nothing. Just light. I felt the presence of a bigger light beckoning me. When I went to it I saw this 3 headed figure (also an Alex Grey painting i dont recall the name of) and behind it was time morphing all together and breaking into particles. It asked me what I needed answered. I asked, "what is the meaning of life?" I felt overwhelmed by the love and safety I felt in that moment, and the entity responded with just "Love." 

While I know its not profound, or even probably the craziest or most meaningful trip, it meant a lot to me. It reaffirmed everything i already knew and believed, but i couldn't look at people the same. I knew I felt connected to nature, but always felt set apart from other humans. Not in a superior way, but like theyre the bunny I'm a hare type way. So to be able to see parts of myself shared in them, unspoken, helped me release a lot of shame. 

Sorry for the long post, there was so much more about this trip I wish that I could put in. It was very healing for me, and i was pleasantly surprised. Most ego deaths terrify people, but some part of me i felt needed to die. 

3rd anniversary of life altering macrodose