Don’t be Stupid like me

I didn’t believe in true love. I got married and thought it was just what people did. For 21 years I never stopped fantasizing about out other women romantically and sexually. I thought it was human nature. I thought you just dream about what you can’t have, right? I never cheated and was always loyal and faithful. And that marriage ended.

I met Kathulhu a year later when they wandered into my game store. We are almost three years removed from that, and I don’t know when it happened, but I stopped finding anyone else desirable in any way. We really haven’t been together since December, and officially broken up for months, no replies from them in months. No sign of anything. I am hollow and empty in ways I never felt. I am guilt ridden for not being enough. I am guilt ridden and hate myself for hating them for being gone.

I love them so much. I wish I could have been better when they needed it. I wish I had done the things I needed to, listened to their advice, and just worked harder. I am stuck in Reddit limbo hoping they read my words. I am hoping the drink from the coffee cup that says “you are my favorite.” I hope they listen to my songs. More than anything I hope they find love, peace, and support. I will suffer a lifetime of being alone and misery if it meant that they could be happy.

Don’t be stupid like me. Embrace love and fight with every ounce of being to cultivate it and appreciate it. You may not get another chance to.