Marriage, produce spoiled brats, and start a family stressed my brain and tried poisoning me again.

IDK where to start since I'm not in the right state.

Coming from a student who's been deconstructing from idealization/imagination motherhood/parenthood. Not from household but my school. Currently a senior high student from the Philippines. And 18F.

Yesterday, my teacher taught us and discussed general relationships like friends, parent-child, relatives, and acquaintances from the workplace or blah blah blah...

(You can skip this boring marriage part)

until she discussed marriage like being a couple from the start to married, getting married without a proper plan for future family, getting married while one is not fully committed, arranged marriage to a person you never met or even if it was your friend but not meant to be a married couple because both never fully committed beyond friendship, getting married young because being younger than 22 means "high fertility" not considering getting a job and a house... And more blah blah blah.

What a pointless topic as someone who wants to be 'lonely', 'miserable', 'single', and dies being 'unmarried' and childless.

While I don't fcking listened to the pointless topic about marriage life and I told my seatmate "I am more willing to die than getting married young and start a family" or "I'd rather die than getting married young and start a family" (I am not really sure how to translate it).

While Miss (teacher) after discussing the topic about marriages then she proceeded to talk about starting a family and how to raise kids that I'd eventually regret having spoiled brats, like a business plan... From the start of the discussion... My brain started feeling stressed out as being poisoned again from the idealization about parenthood and raising shtty bratty kids. I raised my hand and excuse Miss that I need to walk away from that poisonous topic, sit in the back row, open my tablet, turn on my earphones, and watch YouTube about regretful parents to deconstruct me from idealization of family and parenthood to stress relief my brain. I told my classmate she can tap me once when Miss finished the poisonous topic.

I'm aware this is a safe sub but... Call me 'sensitive' if you want... I have ASD, religious trauma, and coming from someone who grew up and lived in a Christian country that is heavily cult-like pronatalism and treating spoiled brats as 'God's gift.

I was poisoned by the idealization of family and parenthood life paths, without telling the cons of pregnancy, being a parent, and raising brats. It was purely sugarcoated and made sure that parenthood brings imaginary 'happiness', 'pure joy', and 'you are blessed [cursed] from God because you have received a "gift" from God'. I thought motherhood brought imaginary happiness until... Pregnancy would permanently destroy my ideal body that I've achieved. Brats would drain my money that are MINE and only for my basic necessities more than just food, water, clothes, and shelter! Not for the jobless human... That is why I need to deconstruct for my own good and avoid parenthood regrets.

I'm not shaming nor lack of sympathy to the regretful parents. Regretful parents rant and admit about having a child, at least not in sugar-coated. I'm thankful for them for telling the cons about pregnancy, raising a child, and how it impacted them negatively. Some who were poisoned from idealization of family and Parenthood.

Sorry if this post is long and why am I calling a child spoiled brat?... I just... I DON'T WANT KIDS! Too expensive, too much time, even spending half of my life raising them that they would eventually leave me one day.

Thank you for reading.