i wish i wasn’t black

as the title suggests— i wish i wasn’t black. or a POC at all. i KNOW that it may seem racist or you all may look down on me. but i’m serious.
i’m mixed white / black but i got the worst type of hair that the beauty standard wants dead (4C) not only that— but my hair is thinning because of my PCOS.

my body isn’t even the good kind of black-curvy body. that’s the one thing i got that is “white”

( and i know the terms seem racist but i hope someone understands )

i have no hips, my body composition and fat distribution isn’t feminine and it’s poor

my tits are the ugliest thing on this planet with the huge areolas

and immediately— upon face revealing, a man will say “oh ur black. cooked.” or they’ll just start shitting on things that make me black. ( thick eyebrows, eye shape, eye color, my ethic nose, and my maxilla )

it gen makes me so upset and i just wish that i woke up one day either white or asian which are the most desired outcomes anyway.

even with makeup, it’s like with indian women—

“black. next.”

it feels like even if i have one of those glow ups that pretty girls get, ill never EVER be desired the way a white / asian woman will be

i feel like brown girls understand as well