Need closure- need the truth as to why I was ghosted because I’m going insane?

TL;DR: why was I really ghosted and what made him lose interest?

I apologise for the long and graphic details in this story but I just wanted to be honest. I had just been ghosted by a guy I had been talking to for 3 months who was emotionally abusive so I was already in a bad state of mind when this happened. I added a guy on snapchat 2 weeks ago from quick add (which I’ve never tried before) 26 (M) 28 (F) . He text me instantly and we got chatting and he text me every day since that occurred and talked about wanting to find a wife etc and how me being a virgin means that it is really special and when I was looking to get married. I said if we met and fell in love that’s how I would know.

He said I looked like the female version of superman from Smallville and I was assuming he found me very attractive. I’ve been told by majority that I’m an 8/10 when I’m dressed up and I would say he was on the same level as me looks wise but had a gym physique. He phoned me for 6 hours straight the first night and we really clicked and could talk about anything, then 3 hours, a few days after and 3 hours again the day after. In between that he left me on delivered for 19 hours which I assumed was because he wasn’t a big texter, which I found was true as he had conversations with me for a short period of time by text at the end of the day, on most days, leading up to our meeting.

The night before our meeting we sexted and there was definitely a lot of chemistry. The day of meeting he said he had to drop his brother off to airport so changed meeting from 4pm to 6pm. He picked me up and as soon as he met me and he held my hand straight away and smiled with that sparkle in his eye. He said he was exhausted so instead of going out for food like we planned we ended up at his air b n b and he ordered food there later on and he said I look better in person and picked me up as soon as I entered the room.

As soon as I revealed my red dress he started kissing my chest and my mouth passionately. Even when we ordered food in the room he was so affectionate with me kissing me while I was deciding what to order and I sat on his lap etc and we watched a tv show. He asked if my parents would accept him and that he would love to take me on holiday but I said my parents are strict so I could not. He had a thing for my fe\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*t so was sucking on them most of day and I ended up giving him head (which I’ve never done before) and gave him a hand j\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\b as there was an insane around of tension and even licked ice-cream off most of his body and we drank juice from eachother’s mouths. Anytime I got up he would kiss me and was basically all over me throughout and I’ve not had a guy be this full on since last year. He told me on the date he ghosts girls he finds unattractive and leaves them on delivered but never removes them from socials. He said he promises he wants to see me again, and during the phone call from night before I remember him saying that if he doesn’t
c\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*m in a meeting he wouldn’t see a girl again.

At end of date he said he definitely wants to see me again and said he finds me very pretty and likes my personality and that he isn’t attached yet and doesn’t feel the need to text everyday, and that he doesn’t like girls who expect him to call during his lunch break at work. He kissed me goodbye and then as soon as I got home I thanked him and said I loved it and he said he enjoyed it and that we should deffo do it again next week and suggested Friday, the next morning .

Throughout next day he text me asking questions about my brother’s engagement etc and how it’s going and I sent some snaps of my face and he didn’t save them in chat anymore which I found weird and he didn’t phone me either at all. He then sent blank work snaps all day which I found weird but he did send old snaps of his face in the week leading up to our meeting. He never sent a selfie again either or any nudes after our first meet.

Then throughout week his replies got slower and slower (1 -2 Days) and only when I sent him a sexy selfie he asked about Friday again and if I’m free. He didn’t talk sexually at all except for making a joke about how many donuts I could fit in his d. Friday came and he replied after like 36 hours that day. I had to remind him on Friday morning if the date was still on and he said yes and he eventually met me at 8:30 and suggested we go cinema because I was already there. I stupidly suggested a room as I loved kissing him and being affectionate with him and the privacy aspect tbh and when we did, things got heated and I showed him my lingerie and and we ended up having an\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*l sx as I wanted to stay a virgin and and he licked my ass out and I sucked his d and he rubbed his d on my clt. I didn’t enjoy the anal sx at all because it was uncomfortable but I dealt with it as he seemed to like it. He then made himself cm while my f\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*t were in his face and insisted on having the lights on for this so he could see them. I’ve never done this before but since I was attracted to him I did it.

No guy has seen my body in the light so I was self conscious of my dark long la\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*ia and my immense amount of white cut looking stretch marks against my tan skin and my body in general coz no one’s seen it up close. If I’m being honest my ex acted cold and told me to get off him after he saw my body in the dark so since then I was self conscious but people I discussed this with at time said it was just one guy not all guys are that shallow. I put the lights on but at the back of my mind I was thinking he was gonna be put off by either that or my long white scar looking stretchmark on my ass or my 2 beauty marks that were there. I remember him telling me before he saw my body, that every girl has one body part that isn’t nice but I didn’t, and tbh with you I was worried when he said that because I knew I wasn’t perfect and have a smallish ass and small bo \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*bs but he said he loved my a\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*s but I’m not sure if he was saying that because he was horny or not. At no point during this sexual encounter did he stop once he saw my body so I assumed maybe I had overthinked things in the past as he was really into the session and was passionate.

Then he wiped off my smeared makeup off my face with his own spit and a tissue like he did during first meeting which was sweet so I assumed everything was fine. And he dropped me off home as usual and talked on the way home about cars and his heritage etc and he asked me for a kiss goodbye. When I got home he told me my location was on and that I should switch it off so no one else sees on Snapchat. The next morning he sent me blank work desk snaps and ignored my nudes that I sent and instead sent a work desk snap back. He text me all day until 5 pm and said ‘thx bb’ when I said ‘Nice jeans’ (in reply to a snap of his jeans) then he just hearted my message saying I’ll buy the watch he chose, after 12 hours.

He then didn’t text me for 2 days and randomly popped up at night asking how I was and continued the conversation for a bit. He then replied a whole day later and said weather was good today and we just made small talk about how nice the Summer is. Then the next morning he finally replied after 1 whole day while his snapscore had gone up the entire day before while I was on delivered and I sent a modest outfit face snap for the first time so I assumed he was interested and he said I look sexy and he replied with a once view face snap for the first time.

I replied back with 2 more face snaps, that he left on delivered and it’s now been 2 days since I sent them and his snap score has gone up by a lot. I remember him saying he never removes girls he finds unattractive but ghosts them and leaves them on delivered, but because he met me a 2nd time and drove 2.5 hours I assumed maybe that wasn’t the case with me. He said he met a girl last month who was bigger than her photos and her breath smelt bad so he used her parents catching her being out late as an excuse to end things with her. I am not big by any means but my body is not perfect at all.

He hasn’t removed me but I’m confused why he even messaged again if he was planning to ghost and I’m actually really hurt? I have such low self esteem as it is and now I feel disgusting and don’t want to show my body again. I genuinely was attracted to him and trusted he would accept all of me. Please be brutally honest and harsh and interpret all this as he’s never not opened my snaps like this for so long and I’m afraid he was repulsed by my body and wanted to slowly ghost me instead of instantly. I have developed feelings for him as he made me feel like no one else has and made me feel beautiful initially and like I was in a movie.

I’m so confused why he even messaged me all week just to ghost and why he even sent a face snap and called me sexy 2 days ago if he wasn’t interested or repulsed. I actually feel so down and have never felt so ugly in my life as I cannot do anything about my existing flaws except surgery and trusted him with my body. I guess it’s my fault for being intimate with him so soon as if I hadn’t had showed him my body he would’ve still been speaking to me. I guess I was intimate as in the past when I haven’t been and tried to save myself the guys didn’t suggest a 2nd meet. I just want to know from a male’s perspective what the reason he lost interest was as I have a really bad feeling it was my body and I need a reality check so I don’t make the same mistake of showing it to my future spouse, as I really regret it and haven’t felt this down in my life.

Thank you in advance to anyone who has given me advice, it is very kind of you.