avoidant discard first love

hey all, rarely use Reddit nowadays but now im using it because i feel really empty.

my first love (and yes i truly love her still) broke up with me, or more specifically discarded me, after an otherwise happy and strong relationship of 2 years (it was a week away from being 3 years). the reason was stupid, I was sick and acted needy and my stupid ass decided to double text, triple text, call endlessly over a few days to the point that she called for silence and then left me.

it has been waves, some days really sad, some better, some just me thinking logically and trying to analyze what went wrong. it was so sudden and so uncalled for; we literally went to Disneyland and had a picnic the week before this breakup. i worked and sacrificed so much for this person, i even worked my ass off to get into a research program in the country she lives in (we are LDR since university) and rented an apartment for us to stay in (she would fly from her city to mine in the same country every weekend). i went full throttle through this relationship by flying to her and getting her tickets to fly to me, i tried to pour love in every possible way i could.

during the silence, i already was really scared — i couldn’t eat, sleep, talk, or even function so much so that i kept all her things and gave it to a trusted friend to keep in a box. the breakup was more of a discard, it was sudden and very unexpected as if she was a totally different person than who i knew for all these years.

now, she hasn’t removed or blocked me (she has hid my story viewing on instagram on her main account but not her private account which is strange?), she still follows our shared account dump, and her family (except her siblings) all still have me as connections on social media. i know it is probably not much but i am so confused about the whole situation, given that she is my first love all the emotions are so strong and im sat here clueless and really overthinking. as a natural researcher (i am a law student) and someone who analyzes a lot, i feel like i am analyzing too much or thinking of too many possibilities so much so that it hinders my ability to function properly daily.

as such, i would like to know the community’s thoughts on this? why might she be acting this way? did all of the love really exist and did it matter? is it really this painful for my first love to leave and discard me just like that?

i am so lost so i appreciate any input into this, thanks!