career change confusion

Hi everyone,

I'm wondering if I could get some perspective on my thinking as I am quite a negative black and white thinker and Im not sure if I have talked myself into a mindset that is wrong.

I am 42 and have spent the last 6 years in the UK civil service. Previously I was rather unsuccessfully self employed. I am on £39k salary and only started building my pension when I started at age 36. I will get the annual civil service pay raises each year which can range anywhere from 0% to 5%. I have also been able to get on the property ladder 2 years ago and have a small 3 bed semi in Belfast. We have 3 kids and the house feels small.

The job is zero stress. I am WFH and have flexi time. Great bosses. No pressure. Good pension etc.

Here's the problem: I essentially feel like I have hit the ceiling in terms of salary. I went for a promotion last year and didn't get it and genuinely don't think I will get it in the future. I have also realised that I don't really want the promotion as I don't think I have the skills to do the job. If I stay in my current job then basically I have to stay in the small house we are in forever and we will struggle in the future with all the costs associated with kids. However If I decided to get a job in the private sector, the Alpha pension scheme I am on is excellent and I would have to get a job at around £55K in the private sector just to equate to my current salary and pension benefit. If I go private then theres the chance of bad boss, stress, working in an office, not being there to help my wife and kids as needed etc.

I'm bored in my current job but feel stuck in it as it's 'too good' even though it doesn't really meet all our needs & wants. To get a job in the private sector with the required salary feels too hard and out of reach for my skill level. I just don't know what to do and the idea of doing my job for the next 25 years kills me.