Silent Stroke and Seizure

Roughly two years ago I had a so-called silent stroke. I heard a distinct snap which I wasn't sure whether it happened in my head or outside of me. There was otherwise nothing. When I got home I turned on the stereo as usual. When I began to sing along, out came gibberish. It was terrifying but it also quickly passed. I knew something had happened but the ideas I had about a stroke meant it would have been a debilitating event. I was in no way debilitated, but I had to relearn, as it were, all the lyrics of what I had been listening to a lot a the time.

And that was it.

This past Tuesday, I had an epileptic seizure. I felt fine, noting amiss. We stopped into a cafe to get coffee and cake. As I looked at the menu I realised I couldn't say the words in the menu. I knew what they were, but I had no idea how to say them. Remarkably, I could still say German and Dutch words, but English -- my mother tongue -- was gone.

Next thing I knew, I was sitting on the floor, my shirt was off, tables and chairs askew surrounded by three paramedics and my wife telling me I had had an epileptic seizure and I had to go with them. But I just kept saying to them, "but I didn't do anything."

They were all trying to urgently assure me I had done nothing but that something had happened to me and I needed to let them take me.

My seizure began with the loss of language use and then, I am told, I suddenly grabbed my left arm, leading those with me to assume I was having a heart attack. I fell to the right and convulsed only a bit and then became mobile.

I got up, sat down, lay down, got back up, made some statements that started sensibly but were gibberish by the end. I did ask after my son, who my wife's cousin had taken back to our accommodations. I then seemed to want to go somewhere. Then I let them sit me in the corner for support. But apparently I am quite strong. I was not rigid, but I was not compliant. They couldn't just gently lead me but had to convince me to go with them.

I eventually relented and off we went to the hospital where a CT scan revealed the stroke scar.

I walked out of the hospital less than 2 hours after the seizure as if nothing had happened. But it had and I now have been prescribed Levetiracetam and Clopidogrel. We were on vacation in Holland at the time. We are back in Germany now and I will see a neurologist on Tuesday.

Crazy.

I truly had no idea a stroke could be missed. Well, I didn't miss it, I just didn't understand it and its symptoms quickly passed.

But, I have CPTSD, Anxiety and ADHD from child abuse and it seems my CPTSD intersected with my post-seizure brain to make the urgency of the medics seem like authority anger. Repeating "But I didn't do anything" like I was expecting punishment for something, rather than perceiving the medical situation.

Because how the hell was I to ever imagine I would have a seizure?