Spiraling and I think it's caught up to me...

I had a messed up childhood full of manipulation, control, silence is punishment, love was conditional, verbal and physical abuse, and always felt like I was last.

This has affected me in all of my relationships. I left my last one a year ago, and then I met a guy who was able to distract me from everything I had going on.

Now, he's got something going on that he won't communicate about, and I'm allowing those same fears of abandoment seep into the relationship. I think today we hit a breaking point. I apologized and am giving him space, but the dynamic has definitely changed. I care about this man a lot, but I'm letting my own fears stop me from falling in love or expressing that to him. He hasn't said it either, so I can't get a read on him.

He's gotten us tickets for events next year, so I got tickets for a show later this year right after his birthday because he said he wanted to go, and his response was simply thank you. He doesn't express being excited anymore. His personality has sort of dulled and I'm not getting the same energy I once did. Therefore I am spiraling. Trying not to, but the possibility of crashing and burning feels imminent. My MO is to self-sabotage. He's started to be less interested in me and these are just patterns I've noticed over the last few weeks. He knows I deal with anxiety and I'm starting therapy next week.

Are things just slowing down or could they be coming to a halt? What can I do to alleviate my doubts?