Something terrifyingly triggering happened to me and I feel as terrible as I can. TW plz be cautious ⚠️

I don't wanna go into too much detail. But I was doing a compulsion to feel safe, tbh it wasn't THAT bad but I had to reach certainty. Anyway, my compulsion failed and resulted in a catastrophe which needs a FAR MORE DIFFICULT compulsion and ruined all my compulsions I had built up and secured myself with 😭😭😭😭😭

i LITERALLY CAN'T HANDLE this situation. This is way out of my capacity. I just wanna die. This is the only thing I want. Technically I could try and fix this thing with another compulsion, but I'm exhausted. I've had enough of this disorder. I just want peace. I don't want this anymore.