They told me that time would slowly make things better. Two years later, that was 100% a lie.

It's a complete bullshit sentiment that everyone tells you afterwards. I guess it's to give some kind of "light at the end of the tunnel" so that you keep going despite feeling like you want to die. Like if you can just survive long enough, everything will magically get better. Well it never got better.

Two years after the end of a 1.5-year-long relationship and I am still miserable daily. I still can't find joy in anything I do. I'm still drinking and smoking too much. I still "ideate" constantly. I still think about her every single day and even occasionally still send angry texts into the ether despite the fact that I know I'm blocked. I still dream about her. She's still the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last thing on my mind before sleep.

My life is a constant, living hell even well after the full length of time the relationship ended. It's not getting better, it's not going to get better. The rest of my shit existence is going to be writing in pain every day, alone and miserable. If there is a god, they can fucking blow me for bringing me into this complete joke of an existence.