Wish my mom would give me some damn positivity

I (22F) graduated last May w/ 2 degrees in sociology and psychology. Yet I still feel like a failure, I always have. I'll never be good enough. Nothing I do has any real significance. My mom will always tell me that "I HAVE to do it" "It was because of MY work" or give me a backhanded compliment like "I like this (one thing) about you, but you are lazy and hyperactive and argumentative-". More recently, I've been struggling to look for work after college and grad schools. I tell her that I'm gonna work on it (which I have using my states disability services for jobs, but beaucracy is slow and its taken 2 months since I requested to get an INTAKE). But every DAMN time she will say or imply that I'm not doing enough. "It starts out at a couple weeks, then a couple months, soon its years", compairing me to my brother's lethargy.

I always knew these were bs but still they eat away at you. I've always been trying to prove myself to her, unintentionally. But at the same time just feeling like I lack autonomy makes me so demotivated. Why bother? I've told her again and again that this isn't encouragement, its pessimism. But she's just telling the truth! She's not gonna sugarcoat anything for me.

I developed GAD and Depression which I have to treat with meds and multiple go's at therapy. Only recently did I realize that a lot of my neuroses are HER neuroses. Once the lock to my dorm was broken and the door wouldn't close like normal. I wasn't worried because there was never any trouble in the apartments. I just called maintence and that was that. SHE on the other hand stood there trying the lock for 15 MINUTES, despite me telling her it was fine. She played it all off ofc but I could tell with that plus her catastrophizing, she might have OCD. But she would never check for it cause she is mentally well and I am too and there's nothing wrong with out family! (ignore my abuse scars).

I wish I wasn't disabled so I could get away from it. I'm trying as hard as I can to be independent, but I feel like a fucking failure because at 16 I thought I could escape by college but guess whos living at home like a bum. At the very least I wish gave me eustress, some kind of positive reassurance like "I believe you can do this before the fall", "Youre a smart girl you can get into such and such college" "You've worked really hard" or smth. Guess its the curse of having Nigerian parents :(