I have more than enough quetiapine around me atm to kill myself, and I'm very tempted.

I've been brought into this world by a woman who is just as mentally ill as I am, and a man who was never the father that I have needed. Their toxic divorce has struck me down, and her immediate introduction of her new partner, now my step father, has done even more damage. I was nine back then.

Now I'm nineteen, It's been a decade ever since. Their relationship is in shambles, and my sisters and I are the reasons why she can't divorce him, as she cannot work and has to rely on him to pay the bills and feed us through. My internship doesn't pay enough for me to move out, it's barely enough to clear my debts every month.

I'm stuck in a home filled with conflict and hate, am lonely, crave for the parental figure my nine year old me would have desperately needed, have a deep shopping addiction, am over 2000€ in debt and done with my misery.

I rely on quetiapine to sleep and be calm, so I have a good stash of it in my room. I could swallow thirty or fourty of these tiny pills and hope it's enough to send me on my way. Maybe toss a few more in if needed. I want to die so badly, so why do I hesitate? I don't know what exactly I'm waiting for, but I'm getting impatient.