Cracking egg question

Hi all, I think my egg is starting to crack. Ive questioned since i was young but as time went on i was able to progressively ignore and numb the pain until lately. It’s just been getting harder and harder to push down. I think a major part of my hesitation is being as masc as they come. Namely: bald, large, hairy everywhere, big bushy beard to hide my face that I don’t like looking at etc. I haven’t been without a beard since at least 16 and I’m absolutely terrified to shave it to see even more of a face I hate 😞. I just don’t even know where to start, and find myself always comparing myself to all these already femme af little twinks and femboys just putting on makeup and voila they’re as beautiful as every other woman I’ve ever seen 🥲. I know that’s a horribly unhealthy habit and probably makes me sound slightly terfish but I swear I’m not 😭 I just have a horrible self image and yea idk I’m just struggling. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks gals, I appreciate it, even if just given a platform to vent.