thinking of killing myself more and more

ive just been so, so lonely. i started talking to older guys and sending them pictures of myself and carving their initials into me. i need to stop but i can't. it's the only way i feel self worth. i don't think i deserve anything. i wish i could act on it but im such a wuss. i know people have it worse but i want it to end and i want someone to love me at the same time. im tired im tired im tired im tired