How long should I wait until my partner shows progress from going to therapy?

I've been married 6 months, almost 4 years in the relationship and my husband started therapy about 4 months ago and I've been in therapy since a little before we started our relationship. We also started couples therapy a month and a half ago but we will be switching therapist

Throughout this time we've had issues where he has a friend he trespassed limits with, not "cheating" but being way too close to her, calling her sweet nicknames and of course she was right there and sending him gifts all over.

This damaged our trust, mine really but we continued and during the last months that he's been in therapy I've seen a little bit of improvement but something that has been consistent throughout the whole relationship is basically his inflexibility (which therapists have explained is very common in men) and getting angry at me when I share my feelings and then here I am trying to find "better" words and ways to share what I feel while also supporting him because I know it's hard for him and I've also explained why this or that thing he doe sor says hurts when talking through emotions.

Now, he is a sweet man, super loving, cheerful and I love him to pieces but something happened this weekend. He has shown a little bit of improvement throughout this past months but he is so irritated by any challenge I do regarding how we thinks, his family dynamics, etc. While whenever he mentions something to him I listen with curiosity and ask him how that makes him feel, reassure him and let him I will work on it or do something about it.

I decided to share my feelings about something "silly" and I decided to do so precisely because I thought it was silly and wouldn't be a big deal because we had started going to couples therapy. I shared how I felt and his response was to get defensive and say "well you hurt me so what's wrong with me hurting you" as if he was keeping a score (this was a realization from this weekend) and he also said that whenever I say something about my emotions all he hears is "you expect me to validate you when what you're saying is not true, and your not satisfied with anything and I'm bring evaluated and I just need you to define rules so I know what to do and I just heard that I'm not enough", that would be a summary fo what he expressed.

I then realized that no matter how hard I try to be gentle and express my feelings, no matter how many times I tell him I'm not evaluating him and that I'm not trying to start a discussion I will probably always be treated as someone who is attacking him, that he is not really listening to me, he is just interpretatig what I say and I also realized that I'm tired.

I cannot always be seen as this figure of "punishment" or a mean evaluator or that my feelings are a complaint, I've been really patient for him to grow, improve, work on himself but it just hurts to be seen this way and to constantly receive this type of response (7 out of 10 times), I've also worked on myself and I've seen that progress throughout my 4 years of going to therapy.

I love him so much but when do I know if this enough? When do I know when to let go? Will I just know? Am I being impatient?

Thank you for the advise