Rant

I just saw my bullie and he is so much better then me and I'm just a failure just because his parents work hard or he's just God's favorite, he is 6 feet, only child, famous influencer of the town and his dad just built his commercial building and he is expected to earn 5 lakhs!🤯 PER MONTH and he is also an 18 grade officer, super respectful, I'm just so jealous and I hate my life, why is he getting everything and I don't! I'm turned out to be 5,3 male, gay, and ugly and poor, my parents don't even have money to pay for my tutions without making me feel guilty, I don't have any good bike or car ( even good CD70 ) they are worried how are they going to pay for my dad's heart test! I really hate my life, like even if it was that then atleast I could have a good height, or was straight, atleast I would not have feared him! Everytime I saw him on TikTok I instantly feel scared and super anxious, I just can't believe this is my life, even if I worked super hard I can never be at his status at 18 and will always be short ugly gay guy and it's so sad, I'm literally suicidal and I have told my parents that if I had a gun I would have shoot myself but I'm not doing it because they don't have and I don't want a painful death! Because of that I have also stop praying and turned agnostic, because I don't think god loved because if he did I would not have been suffering with his misery and anxiety of everytime I see my bullies