My fiance (F20) broke up with me (M22) after 2 years and I’m lost and feel betrayed

I’m really lost and need advice because I don’t know what to do, how to cope with this, why this happened or what went wrong. I’m going to try to keep it as short as I possibly can, but it’s kinda a lot.
So a little context. My fiance and I were together for 2 years. We had our ups and downs, what I guess is normal in every relationship. We didn’t really have an easy relationship because we always struggled with something. My parents are kinda strict and I couldn’t like go out whenever I wanted, or stay out too late, let alone have a sleepover. She on the other hand lived only with her mother (who is an alcohol addict and struggles a lot with this) and so she can do whatever she wants. Either way I always did put the effort in so that we could see eachother. Maybe I couldn’t stay for sleepovers but I was like almost every day at her place from 7am till 5-6pm when I could. We both go to different schools so that like complicated everything a bit. But I was always the one who came to see here, since I had a license. We lived like 30 minutes away so it’s not like we lived close by. I always made time for her, even when I could work, I chose to always be with here instead of making money when I needed it the most because she meant everything to me.
As I said we didn’t have an easy relationship. We broke up 2 times already and this is the third time. The first time happened because I cheated on her. It was like in the beginning of our relationship, but I didn’t do anything with the girl. We texted literally for 1 day and then she found out and yeah that was the first breakup. She told me that since then something in her changed and she didn’t trust me at all. Which I totally understand and I’m not trying to make this sound like I didn’t do anything wrong, because yes I did. But since that happened I knew I fucked up and I wanted to restore that trust that she had lost in me. I always put all my effort in the her and she said that she saw that.
The second breakup was because of a misunderstanding between us two, we broke up for like three weeks and then she came back to me and we got back together.
The third breakup was the worst and I feel that’s it completely over.
She was a girl who from the start never trusted me Her father left her when she was 6 and that she has anxiety and abandonment issues because of that. Also she had 2 other guys before me, which one of them cheated on her, and the other one too and she was being physically abused by him. Then she met me at the time when she was with the second guy and left him for me.
Something important that I forgot to mention was that my parents are Muslims, so a relationship outside of marriage is like a no-go for them. Do we always had to keep this a secret. I told her this since the first day we were talking to tell her that if she was going to be with me, this was how it was going to be. She accepted this and told me that she completely understood and that she doesn’t have a problem with this. We got together after like 2 weeks and from there everything went quite good and fast.
We always saw eachother, we had the same humour and same weirdness. Our sex was great even for her as for me. We bonded physically and emotionally and on every aspect.
I was very close to her, her mom and all of her family. Everyone liked me and no one had a problem with me. She on the other side couldn’t meet my parents because as I said, we had to keep this a secret. Then our first brake up came. After three days we talked it out and she told me that I had to put my effort in for her to believe me again. Which I understood. I asked her if she did anything when we weren’t together and she told me that she went out clubbing with her friends and a guy from school was there with them. She went and kissed him there and told me that s he was talking with him. Notice that this literally happend 1-2 days after we broke up. She told me that she only wanted me and she deleted the guy. She told me that I couldn’t say anything because we weren’t together anymore. I understood this but still something inside me felt wrong because it was only such a short time after we broke up. I ignored this and we continued our lives together.
Then the second brake up happened because of a misunderstanding. We blocked eachother and didn’t spoke. After three weeks she came back in the most random way, saying that if we could talk because something happened. As kind as I am, I accepted. She told me that she went out and she drank too much and that she was in the hospital. She asked if I could come see her and I did. After we broke up, also like 2-3 days after, she was with another guy for 3 weeks. I study sports teacher and I had to give lessons at her school for a class. It was indeed at her school which was a 1 hour drive for me. I did this so that we could see eachother more. But yeah then the brake up came and it was like I was there for nothing. Notice I did this because she insisted that I came to her school because it would be fun, and I wanted her to be happy. Otherwise I would have chose a school that was 5-10 mins away from me.
So as I said in those 3 weeks she was with another guy. I saw them at school and he was the complete opposite of me. I laughed because it was funny how she could switch so fast. When I went to see her I asked if something happened between them, she just told me they kissed but nothing else happened. I don’t knew if I had to believe it, but I accepted it. Again she told me that I didn’t have anything to say because we weren’t together and it’s not the same as what I did. I told her that i understood but it’s the facts that it’s been twice that she moved on so fast and got with another guy. She told me it wasn’t cheating and that I didn’t had to make a big problem about it. If she didn’t only want me or be with me, she wouldn’t text me and leave the other guy to be with me again. I accepted it and we tried again. Everything went great, and I saw a lot of improvement between us two.
Since our relationship wasn’t easy and we wanted to be together, we wanted to get married. Not only for that reason, but I wanted to marry her because I loved her so much and really saw a future with her together. She thought the same thing about me and even converted to Islam. I always told her that I didn’t want her to convert for me. If she did it, it had to be for her. I never forced her to get in to Islam or anything, I told her that I’ll accept her whatsoever and that if my parents didn’t accept it, I wouldn’t care because at the end of the day, it’s me who’s going to live with her. At the end she still converted and made it clear that it wasn’t for me but for her. She announced it to her family aswell and told everyone that it was forreal. Not so long after I went to buy a ring with her. I put it around her finger and told her: ‘I know it isn’t official, but this ring is our wedding ring. Even tho it isn’t official, for me you are my fiance already’ she was so happy and told me that for her it was the same thing. We posted it everywhere on social media, everyone of our friend knew that I “asked for her hand”. So you could say that it was really real.
I even went to her father and asked for her hand, and told me that he accepted.
Now came the part that I knew I had to announce to my parents that I wanted to marry.
The first one I told was my sister because she always understands me. She didn’t say anything but told me that if that’s what I wanted, I had to do what I had to do. Then I told my mom. She wasn’t really happy. Not because that she wasn’t a “real” Muslim if I can say it like that, but because I’ve been in relationships from when I was 16 till now. I always had a relationship with someone and she told me I never really enjoyed my time and to develop myself. So she was more against the fact that she found me too young and not ready yet. Then came the time I told my dad. That was the most difficult part. At first, he was against it, actually also because of what my mom said, but also the fact that he was scared and thought she converted just for me. I told him that this wasn’t he case. For like a good month we went back and forth with this and we basically had a big war together. At the end he was so tired and told me that, if I wanted this to be my life, he would let me. He was to tired to trying to convince me other wise and was kinda disappointed too. He told me I was so blinded by love that whatever he or mom said, wouldn’t matter because my point was clear. I wanted her and only her. Which was true because we still continued. They told me you know what, finish your school, find work and then if you want to marry, you’ll get what you want. I was so excited about it and went to tell her immediately. She wasn’t really excited, which I thought would be the case because my parents literally told me okay you can marry. She wasn’t more said because of the fact that it was still a long way to go. I told her don’t worry, it’s going to be soon.
Not so long after that, she met my mother. They talked, laughed and I was happy. She wasn’t because my mother kept saying that she found us still too young. I told her yes I know, but she didn’t have to focus on that, and just keep looking forward to when we will be together.
We kept this silent and continued our lives.
She wasn’t the girl who liked to go party and go clubbing. As I said for me it was more difficult to go with her because of my parents. I think we went like 5-6 tiles together in the 2 years we were together. Always when she asked me I told her I can’t. I was the last person who told her that she couldn’t go, because I didn’t want to deprive her form her freedom. But she wasn’t always the one that told me, she didn’t want to go because of me. But yeah, she went alone some times and always told me what she did and stuff. I trusted her, but something inside me was always afraid because of what happened after the first brake up.
Now as I said the third brake up was the hardest. She went to her friend and stayed the whole week with her. We talked laughed, said how much we loved eachother, everything was great. Then she told me she wanted to go out with her friend. I was kinda hesitant because I was scared. She told me I don’t have anything to worry about, she showed me her outfit, told me she would put her ring on and that I had to trust her. At the end I told her okay, but please don’t do anything stupid. She said she wouldn’t. So Saturday she went out. Then Sunday I came to see her. Everything went great, but she saw I was kinda upset. She sent me a whole text saying how sorry she was, how she was so wrong to go out and didn’t respect me and should’ve stayed at home and she understood that it wasn’t respectful what she did and she wasn’t going to do it again. So then the Sunday we saw eachother, we talked laughed, we had intercourse everything went great. I went home and that was it. Then the Monday everything went great aswell and she went to sleep at 9:30pn exactly. She told me she loved me and wished me good luck at work. Then the next day came, I told her I arrived at work and did my day. I found it weird because she was still sleeping when it was like 1pm. I texted her multiple times but nothing. I finish work at 5pn and she was still sleeping. At this point she wasn’t online for like almost 20 hours. I found this very weird so I decided to call her because I was concerned. When she took the phone she told me “what”, I told her I wanted to see how you are because you are still sleeping, she said “yeah I’m tired and hung up”. I called her again and told her that it was weird that she was sleeping 20 hours and it wasn’t humanly possible to sleep that long, she kept insisting on the fact she was tired, I told her how can you be tired if you went to sleep at 9:30pm. Then I asked her what was wrong because I noticed something was wrong. She told me nothing multiple times but I kept insisting. Then she told me: “I can’t do this anymore, I don’t want it anymore”. I was shocked and didn’t understand, I told her how come, what happened, where this came from. She just said that she couldn’t and don’t want to continue and hung up. The same day I went to her house and asked her to come so we could talk. She didn’t even wanted to. I told her to atleast explain to me, and for me to have some clarity. She insisted she didn’t want to. After 20 linutes I asked again and told her to please come see me, so I could atleast tell her what was on my mind. I begged her multiple times. In the end she came. She looked at me and it was as if she hated me. Like I did something to her. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that she didn’t want to. She told me that since I cheated on her, she had build a wall around her and she couldn’t take it down. I couldn’t understand and told her, but I always did everything for you, I put every effort inside our relationship and we went as far to getting married. She didn’t care and told me she didn’t want to. I asked her if something happend she kept saying no. That was that and I went home. I cried so much and felt so betrayed.
3 days later I asked to talk again and she came. I asked her to be honest, so I atleast could give it a place. She told me okay you want me to be honest. When I went out there was a guy. Nothing happened between us, he also knew we were together. Then the next day we saw eachother again and again. And that when she broke up with me, she was with that guy one day later. I told her that I couldn’t understand. We were together for 2 years. We were planning our future, I had war with my parents for her, I did everything I could for her, I showed her all my love. And she is willing to let it all go for a guy she barely knows. She told me I don’t care.
Notice that she was always the one who talked about marriage, who wanted everything to go as fast as possible and I always made sure that this was the case because I wanted her too. She kept saying that it was because I cheated on her. I told her I understood but nothing happend. This is now the third time that we broke up, and she got with someone else in such a short time. She told me I’m happy with him.
We were litteraly about to meet my father I told her that we were so close to what we wanted, and she was just going to let it all fall away because of 1 guy. I told her see, I told you that I was scared for you to go out alone, you promised me nothing would happend and it did. She told me nothing happened that day. Yeah nothing happened that day, but it was the cause of this situation right now. So yeah she blocked me, told me I had to leave her alone. She said that if we were meant for eachother we would find out way back. But I’m kinda confused about that. So I just have to say okay, go live your life, have fun. And when you’re ready I’ll be here for you. She said she found herself too young, she wanted to enjoy life and didnt want to commit yet. I told her if that is the case, why didn’t you tell me before hand. You were the one planning everything and wanting a future together. She told me she couldn’t break down that wall, because if what happened and I couldn’t compare to what she did. I said yes maybe I can’t compare, but it’s been a year and half later, I always showed you how much I cared about you that you meant to me and I never made another mistake since. She said it doesn’t matter, I just can’t trust you. I told her but I had to trust you when you did the the same thing twice. She kept insisting that it wasn’t the same thing. But I never did something physically and it was for a day. Again I’m not trying to say I’m not the bad guy or I didn’t do anything wrong, but that I don’t understand how she wasn’t able to see that I did everything for her.
I’m lost, broken, feel betrayed and don’t know that to do. I don’t want another relationship now because my trust in women is gone completely. I know there are good women out there, but I don’t think I’m ready for something right now. I need advice from anyone to give me some insight in this, or if anyone had a similar experience and how you cooped with it.
PS: I’m sorry for the long text and sluggy English. Thanks in advance for anyone who read this and is wanting to give some perspective.