I'm 26 and my dad infantilized me (and i don't know if i'm being ungrateful for being annoyed by it)

I'm Malaysian, 26F and still living with my parents while finishing my degree. In Malaysia, living with your parents well into adulthood, especially before marriage (+ the daughter) is very normal here. Fyi, I'm mentioning this because i don't want the fact that i still live with my parents to be interpreted as me being dependent or immature.

I have a complicated relationship with my dad. Growing up, he wasn't an absent father but he also wasn't particularly emotionally present. Since i live under their roof, i'm very aware that i still depend on my parents for certain basic needs which is why i sometimes feel guilty about being frustrated with the way my dad treats me. What bothers me most is that he constantly gives me reminders about things i already know how to do or talks to me as if i have zero knowledge about the world, as if i'm a 5 year old.

For example, he'll remind me that when i meet strangers, i should greet them politely. He'll tell me that i should ask questions if i don't understand something, remind me to wash my dishes after eating. Basically, they're all things i already know and practice in my everyday life since i was 8. Ironically, most of the social skills i have are things i learned through observation and experience rather than from my own parents growing up. I even learned to cook a proper meal by myself at 13 because my parents are often busy. However, when i do need his help or guidance on things i'm not very knowledgeable about, he would sometimes patronize me.

I'm aware that these things i'm annoyed about can easily be interpreted as a typical Asian father caring for and worrying about his daughter. However, to me it felt like these reminders don't come off as concern because he is also the type of father who doesn't seem particularly interested in anything major happening in my life.

He has never remembered my birthday. He doesn't know what i'm majoring in. Back when i was working, he didn't even know what exactly i did for a job. Sometimes, he even seems to forget that i'm currently doing my degree (because he will send me links to job vacancies). But if i do something he considers disappointing or shameful, suddenly he becomes very expressive about it. For example, if i got bad grades, he would tell me how disappointed he was despite the fact that he had never really paid attention to or kept track of my academic performance, homework or school activities. He once said to me when i was 17, "i suppose there's bound to be one rotten egg in every family" with a resigned tone just because my results are not as flying colours as my other 4 siblings.

Another example is whenever i try to get part time jobs during my university breaks to cover for my daily expenses and college-related cost. Fyi, I've had several part time jobs since i was 17 so this is not my first rodeo. But for some reason he would always tell me that he thinks it's ridiculous and that i should just stay home and "rest". But if i stay home and don't work, he will complain about being a couch potato or guilt trip me about our family's financial situation.

My dad reminds me of basic things as if he doesn't know who i am, while at the same time not knowing what i'm studying, forgetting my birthday and discouraging me from becoming independent. To me, his advice and reminders don't always feel like caring guidance. They feel like control coming from someone who hasn't really been paying attention to who i've become. I don't mind him worrying about me. What bothers me is that he worries about me as if he hasn't noticed that i've already been taking care of myself for years.

I don't want to come across as ungrateful. I'd like to think i'm adult enough to understand how much my parents have supported me and how my dad has worked hard for our family. I don't believe he's the worst father but i know he's not the best either. I still can't help feeling somewhat hurt, frustrated and even resentful about our relationship. What i want most from him isn't for him to stop caring about me. I just want him to trust that i know how to live my own life and doesn't make me question every life decisions i made for myself.

Has anyone else experienced this or is this just a cultural thing?