Just starting this with my wife (79F). So many questions/anxieties

I’ve been following this Reddit for six months now, since my wife (79F) was diagnosed. I guess I’m looking for answers, although I’m sure there are none. I know this  long letter seems like a “brain dump“ but right now I don’t have other resources to turn to.

 At least she has had 79 good years. I see these stories in this relative people who contracted disease much earlier in their 60s. I feel really bad for you all.

Right now, things are OK. Her health is otherwise good. She can help with breakfast, and dinner (only basic cooking and preparing salad) but I don’t think I could leave her by herself for more than a couple of hours. She treats each day as New, and is generally optimistic and cheerful. Maybe the Lexapro helps that.

She took Aricept for a while. But stopped it after the side effects of nightmares and nausea.

She doesn’t even realize she has a disease (just “memory issues”), so she wouldn’t be up for the lequimbi or other medication that requires infusion at a clinic.

In fact, she’s still angry at me “and all your friends“ for taking her to doctors in January February to get a diagnosis. She says “oh I’ve got memory issues“ but has no idea what’s coming down the road.

A friend of mine, who is also a neurologist, said that Aricept only extends the “mild“ phase by 10%, and the other drugs by 30%, (but with side effects). So even if she were to agree, we’re talking about extending this phase by only three months to a year.

Then, what is “moderate” Alzheimer’s?  Will she need assisted-living?

I know we’ll have to start looking for a Senior Living, with assisted-living and memory care in the future. That’s really difficult, since Mary Ann doesn’t even believe she has a serious medical issue. She says “I’m older than you, so I’ll die sooner“ (she’s 79,  I’m  72, but that’s another story there.) I try to say “we need a place that can take care of us as we get older and have medical issues, because we don’t want to put that burden on our adult sons.”  But she’s always been a “one day at a time“ person so, it seems that I have to start making all the decisions for us. Even if we try to discuss and make a plan even for the next day’s activities, she will have forgotten that plan by the next day.

So how do I do this? Do we start clearing at our house and selling stuff that the kids won’t want (that will take six months), while I get on assisted living communities waiting list, near where our sons live? (We were married, and have lived last 40 years, and raised our kids in Washington DC, while both sons now live in the San Francisco area, married with children.)

And then, on future trips back to San Francisco, we start “touring“ the senior communities? But she doesn’t even believe she needs one?

Do I just wait until I can’t take it anymore and then say we’re moving. Some days I’m close to that already. I mean, every waking minute of my life is worrying about the future, while she never thinks about the future and we can’t have a discussion about the future. It seems the only time I get to  myself, is between 9 PM and 3 AM.

What good do continuing visits with Neurologists do?  Her Dr wants her to do another neuropsych evaluation in January, which will just freak her out more. 

Thank you everyone. Wish me strength.