Narcissistic mother & moving out

Salam everyone,

I’m 20F and am in a position in life where I’m really thinking about what’s best for me. A little bit about me before I get into it: I’ve always been independent, I was homeschooled for highschool scoring honors, I started college at 16 and doing well, I received a $30k scholarship from a very prestigious university, and overall only go to work and school. I work full time as a CNA in a hospital where I work 100 hour weeks on my breaks off between semesters. I’m majoring in Biology and minoring in neuroscience. I plan to take the MCAT in about a year and a half to attend medical school. The dream is to become a general surgeon.

I’ve always had a narcissistic, manipulative, and abusive mother. She definitely has unresolved mental health issues. I’ve always been treated differently compared to my other four siblings. I have an older brother (22) who I’m best friends with, two younger sisters (17 and 18) who I don’t get along with too well. and a younger brother who is 11. My sisters get to dress less modest and wear so much more makeup than I do. (not saying I want to, but it’s an example showing how much more wiggle room they get). They go out with people that my parents barely know and stay out late. They’re spoiled with rides, materialistic things, dinners, money, etc. However, when I go to a coffee shop with a friend they’ve known for 10+ years after a long day of having classes, I’m constantly spam called by my mother even though she has my location. I’m not going to get too deep into this aspect because there is too much.

My sisters don’t have to do chores because they’re “still young” but I’ve been taking care of the house since I was 8. I carry everything on my back when my mom chooses to go overseas for 3 months. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, driving the kids to school, working full time, and attending college. I’ve never said no to my parents. I’ve always pleased them and never argued. My mother is constantly in a bad mood and screaming, yelling no matter what. I’m really beginning to think about my future and what’s best for me. I’m tired and drained. I’ve never felt more trapped the older I get. I’m being told by my parents that if I don’t get into med school in my state, I can’t leave the state to attend medical school and will have to rethink my career path.

I’m honestly everything they could want in a daughter. I even teach Quran and Arabic to young children, I recite for organizations, I’m a 4.0 student and work for everything I have. It’s reaching a point where all I want to do is move out. I’ve been thinking about going through with it in about 2 years. I don’t know what the future has for me but InshaAllah that’s the plan. I was thinking about signing a lease and slowly moving in without them knowing, then saying that I’m leaving once I’m all moved in. I know what is best for me and I always have, I just have nobody to speak to about this. I don’t plan on getting married but if things do change, it’s not in the near future. My biggest goal in life is to become a surgeon, enjoy life, travel, be mentally stable, and losing that feeling of paranoia.

When I was 17 I was diagnosed with epilepsy but I have a mild case. Alhamdillah I am pedaling through it, even though it’s all I think about since it was such a drastic change for me, but I can heal myself. I find that moving out is the beginning of a new chapter for me and it’s vital to get to where I plan to be.

I would love to hear your thoughts, feedback, and advice regarding my current situation.

JazakAllah khair wa barakah 🤍