Ive had a crush on my cousin for 6 years

i’m an 18 year old guy and my cousins a 20 year old guy. Its really weird cause I feel like i’m fully straight except for him. I don’t even find him very physically attractive. Ive known him practically my entire life but I would say I didnt have a crush on him until I was in like 6th grade. That summer when we were alone in the pool he wanted to ask me something but he couldn’t get the words out. he wasn’t sure if id understand him and he seemed really embarrassed and agitated. He was like that for 30 minutes and at some point in his ramblings he asked me to “take off-“ and then cut off his sentence. I assumed what he was trying to say and the next morning I texted him that it was weird cause we are cousins and I don’t swing that way. At first I wasnt sure if I was misguided but he just responded something akin to “ok” and it was never brought up again. Keep in mind this is like 4 or 5 years before he came out as gay. I had no idea before this incident but I think I can chalk that up to just being stupid. I only get to see him like once a year - he lives 5 states away but when I do I remember how I feel about him all over again. I feel like I can be more honest with him than my friends or my sister cause he doesnt judge me. This is silly but like 7 years ago we would put our contact info as these two characters from Wings of Fire ( book series ) who become romantically entagled by the end of the book and I didn’t change it for a few years. Nowadays I’m 90% sure that hes completely forgotten about the pool incident and I don’t want to bring it up again cause im scared of what might happen. Hes also said that he likes trying to convert straight guys and his type is often guys who look straight and shit like that keeps me thinking. I’m really worried now because in a month’s time I’ll be moving into the same house as him along with his brother and my sister. It’s a whole thing but basically we’re trying to save this important family home from falling into the banks hands. I want to use this as an opportunity to get closer to him but now the stakes and risk feel higher than ever. I really want to get into a situation where we’re cuddling in my bed but that just seems like it would be too suspicious to pull off. He doesn’t smoke or drink and neither do I so I cant leverage that to get anything to happen. I know this makes me sound like an evil manipulator but Ive never really done much of anything to engage these feelings. Ive slept in the same bed as him as recent as last summer but only because we were staying in a hotel. I don’t think anyones noticed yet but every time we go to a hotel or equivalent( It’s usually two beds ) I make sure that i’m in his bed and not his brothers or on the couch / floor. This is really gnawing away at me cause I know that if I were found out it would really screw up the course of not only my life but at least 3 other family members including him. I do feel a little morally guilty and disgusted by the fact that we’re cousins but it’s greatly overshadowed by my love for him and my fear of the consequences that a relationship would have. This isn’t supposed to be a dating advice post I swear please don’t ban me lol.