TW: suicide and DV!! 1 year ago , i attemtped to take my life

This is probably one of the hardest things I've ever written, but August 8th, 2025 was the day I attempted suicide using my ex's firearm.

I was in a six-year relationship, and for the last two or three years, it had become abusive. It started with arguments and small acts of aggression but eventually became physical. He would push me, grab me, prevent me from leaving, and eventually choke me until I passed out. When I woke up, he slapped me, kicked me, and threw me around the room.

Afterward, I ended up spending a week in a psychiatric hospital. While I was there, I was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder, which helped explain a lot of the strange behavior and emotions I'd experienced during the last year of my relationship.

I know I wasn't perfect. I made mistakes, I yelled, and I know we brought out the worst in each other. But I've learned that being imperfect doesn't mean you deserve to be abused.

A year later, my life looks completely different.

I'm 22. I moved to a completely new state. I met my best friend. I got my first apartment. And I'm slowly rebuilding a life that I genuinely thought I would never have.

I still have a lot to work through. Some days are harder than others, and I still carry things from that time that I'm learning how to live with.

But I'm here.

And one year ago, I didn't think I would be.

So I guess this is my reminder to myself that sometimes surviving doesn't mean everything immediately gets better.

Sometimes surviving just means giving yourself the chance to find out what comes next.

I'm really glad I did.

If you read through all of this and have felt this same way then please keep going. it will be ok!