Psychological toll of Derm applications

I am a reapplicant, so I never expected this to be easy. I knew it would be hard. But the psychological burden wasn‘t something I think I accounted for. I cannot for the life of me catch onto the confusing, unspoken, unwritten rules. Mistakes feel existential - the tiniest error can be the difference between you having a fighting chance and someone advocating for you, and you being left to drown while everyone watches. I can spend hours second-guessing every decision I make because I’m scared it will step on someone’s toes, and that person will use it against me later. Yet at the same time, opportunity passes by if you shrink away. Sometimes it genuinely feels like there is no winning.

I’m tired of being told to just be myself. That has only hurt me so far.

Anyone have any advice? Anyone ever experienced this? Or am I catastrophizing and is this just the scars talking?