[M4ApM] “I Am Too.” A Wholesome, Yet Complicated, Gay Romance RP (long-term, detailed, and character driven!)

I apologize, this is going to be a long one~

My foot tapped against the ground uncontrollably as I waited, my forehead resting on my hand as I stared at my phone screen. I wasn’t looking at anything in particular, just aimlessly swiping through my app library while watching the time.

1:29 pm.

I had arrived early, too early, ordered a coffee, and finished it before you even showed up. Maybe that’s why I was so fidgety… well, it certainly didn’t help.

1:30 pm.

I hadn’t looked up from the table for… god, I’m not sure, maybe ten minutes? I listened to the people bustling around me, heard conversations people were having nearby, listening to coffee orders, and the sound of the door opening. That last one was particularly stress inducing, because I knew any time the little bell dinged and the noise of traffic briefly entered the cafe, it could be you walking through those doors.

1:31 pm.

I started to worry. We agreed to meet at 1:30, but you hadn’t showed up yet. Maybe you were bailing on me? Maybe you had texted me and I just missed it somehow. Were my notifications off? I didn’t dare open my messages to check.

1:32 pm.

Maybe it would be better if you didn’t show up. I wouldn’t have to deal with this, I wouldn’t have to go through this stress. That’s what I’d do, I’d wait ten more… no, five more minutes, and if you still didn’t show, I would-

“Um… hey.” The voice was close, directed towards me. I prayed that it was someone near me, and the greeting wasn’t meant for me, but the footsteps coming towards my table debunked that idea.

I thought for a second about not lifting my head, about hiding. Maybe if I just didn’t respond, you wouldn’t be real? Maybe I could just disappear or something…

“Hey…” I responded, lifting my head up to see you. You seemed just as nervous as I was, or at least that’s what your face showed. You sat down across from me and I had to manually control my breathing so I didn’t pass out from oxygen deprivation.

We sat there in silence for a minute, both of us seemingly needing a bit to digest that this was real. You were the one to speak first.

“Um… so… how was the trip here?” You asked, an attempt at small talk.

“It… it was okay.” I responded. “The bus was a little packed but…” I took a deep breath. “Yeah, it was alright…”

I tried to look at you, tried to act normal, but how the hell could I? I had never done anything like this before. It wasn’t exactly a secret that I was anxious, it was written all over my face.

“You’re… nervous?” You asked. It was an obvious question, one that didn’t really need an answer, but leaving it unaddressed would probably only make things worse.

“I… I mean… yeah, kinda…” I say, fidgeting with my hoodie sleeve. “Sorry…” I felt like I had failed in some way. I should have been more excited, more sure of this, it was unfair to you that I wasn’t. But I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t fake an emotion I wasn’t feeling, and I wasn’t exactly great at hiding the ones I was. I was sort of an open book in that sense.

“It’s… okay…” You said, the look on your face shifting slightly into something more soft and understanding.

“I am too.”

———————————————

Hi there! I hope that caught your attention! I left the opener pretty vague on purpose as allow more room for discussion, but I’ll give you a more detail! I’ll also say again that this is quite long, and I apologize for that, but if you’re also a detailed, passionate, serious writer, and you’re willing to play with me, please read on! Please don’t skim, and don’t rush either, I won’t ignore you just because you responded a while after I posted this!

I’m looking for someone to play another male character for a long-term, character focused gay RP. This isn’t just going to be smut however, as there are very specific themes and elements I really want us to focus on in this!

To start, this will be story with smut involved. I love smut as much as the next person, trust me, but that smut is so much better when it has substance! I want the sex scenes to mean something, and I want them to be treated realistically. This is especially pertinent here because of something I will explain now!

The focus of this RP is going to be on our character’s relationship. Both our characters are male, and the main thing I want to focus on is the fact that they’re both very unsure about their sexuality. It’s not that they don’t know if they like boys, more that they’re woefully inexperienced. This is all new to them, and terrifying too. They’ve had no guidance for ‘the right way’ to do things, so they’re essentially tackling this on their own. The story will be about them becoming more comfortable with their sexuality, becoming better at expressing themselves and learning what they like! And of course, it will be about our characters bonding and growing closer!

How they meet is up for discussion, hence why the opener is so vague. They can meet on a dating app, perhaps both opening their profiles up to men for the first time, or maybe more enticingly to me, they could both be a part of, for example, a Discord server, or a club/group/organization. They could also be friends, or friends of a mutual friend, or something else like coworkers. The only thing I would avoid for this particular plot is roommates, as I quite like the dynamic of living separately, having to meet up, and being able to visit each other’s homes. This is all up for discussion of course!

I want the progression of this to be realistic. These two aren’t going to start doin’ the dirty day one of meeting, hell, they’re going to be nervous even being near each other. I want there to be build up, to be a natural progression of how their relationship grows, with them slowly opening up to each other, becoming more comfortable, and going further over time. This applies to both sexual, and romance (of which I want lots of both!), as well as just general things, like opening up, chatting with each other, and just generally how they act around each other, getting more comfortable over time.

Realism, as you can tell, is a very important thing for me, and that applies to everything, including sex. For instance, the first time a character bottoms, that shit is going to be hard. This is a whole new thing for them, and chances are it won’t go perfectly. It might hurt, it might not feel right, it might be awkward, and they might need time to work up to bottoming properly. Additionally, I want to play this realistically in terms of prep, for all aspects of sex, but perhaps most notably bottoming. You can’t just take it up the butt with no prep, you have to use lube, and have lots of foreplay, not to mention cleaning, warming up, and the aforementioned potential awkwardness and imperfection.

This applies to any other kinks we may explore too (and I would love to explore a ton in time!), they should be treated properly, and with respect. For instance, public play can be fun, but the risk is part of the kink, and we should play it accordingly, with even casual stuff like quick gropes or makeouts needing to be hidden. You can only get away with fucking in public and not being seen so many times before I start to stop suspending my disbelief.

This also goes for any darker kinks you may want to explore, I’m very open to them, but in the right context, and with the right treatment. Does one of our characters want to be hit, slapped, degraded, or even darker, wanting to explore CNC dynamics? That’s okay, but what are the consequences and reasoning for that? You can’t just have super rough sex and then end it like nothing, aftercare is vital, and maybe it brought out some emotions in the sub that neither of the were expecting? Furthermore, why does the sub enjoy being treated like that? I’d love to explore that, and that’s part of something I want to address now.

One of the other biggest parts of this for me is exploring our characters’ psyches. I want our characters to be deeper than just vessels to have sex with, I want to explore their backstories and experiences, really develop them as characters. One thing I really like exploring, and will be including in at least my character, is trauma and similar topics. Real people are rarely the perfect characters we see in TV and movies, real people have flaws, trauma, and mental ailments that heavily affect them. I love to explore those aspects of characters, and develop upon them, with our characters being affected by them, and slowly sharing that part of them with the other.

Some examples of this that come to mind include:

-Emotional scenes where one character breaks down and the other character comforts them.

-A character having past trauma that they have to tackle, perhaps one that relates to some part of their current relationship, examples include: religious trauma, political trauma, parental trauma, or potentially sexual trauma.

-Having diagnoses like depression, anxiety, panic attacks, etc., that affect them regularly, something that can be helped by their partner, but not fully cured.

-Sex scenes not always ending with an orgasm and happiness, but rather a number of things: one character breaking down and needing comfort, bottled up emotion coming out, one character not being able to perform properly, or not having a sex drive, or pushing themselves past their boundaries, and much more.

-Insecurities, whether that’s with sex in general, specific acts, their body, them as a person, and more.

Things like this really make me get into an RP, and enjoy the characters greatly. The exact dynamics of this can be discussed between us as we set this up, but I believe you get the idea!

—————————

As for the mix of story and smut, the focus will be on our characters and their interactions, so there will be a lot of content, but that content won’t be smut all the time. I want a lot of slice-of-life stuff, with our characters hanging out, going on dates, sharing cute moments, or even just talking. I want them to get to know each other better, and with the right partner I can get very detailed with my character creation!

There will of course be a lot of smut too, but it won’t be just for the sake of it, I want it to make sense. Our characters will be excited, curious, eager, and more as this whole thing is new to them, and they will want to be with each other. But again, there are messy parts too, a character might be unsure about sex, or have some insecurities. They’re definitely going to be awkward, with their first few times (and plenty after that too) not being the normal ‘perfect’ or ideal experience, but I think that makes their bond more real, and the story more interesting!

Kink wise, like I said, I would like to explore a lot as long as it is realistically treated. These guys are going to be kinky and horny, and they’re going to want to explore that in due time, so we can discuss kinks and such in as much detail as you want! I also have lists pinned on my profile, one of which has my kinks and limits, all of which is up for discussion! More or less everything on there that could apply in a modern world, i.e. everything that isn’t say, fantasy stuff or magic, is up for discussion! I’m happy to get very detailed in our discussion too, understanding that your partner likes anal is important, but why do they like it? What do they like about it? What acts do they like, and how do they like them? You get the gist! Understanding your partner’s mentality surrounding a kink allows you to both implement is better, which is way more fun!

This also goes for specific scenes, if you have an idea for a scene you’d like to include somehow, please tell me about it and we can talk about it! I’m willing to fit more or less anything into the story as long as it makes sense and takes place at a reasonable point in the story. I also really love our characters discussing kinks together, as while we as the writers may know what each other like, our characters don’t! That’s a big part of exploring sexuality, and I much prefer our characters having a serious talk over just… doing a kink with no prior warning.

—————————

Now, as for our guys, I’m generally pretty open to characters, but I do want to establish some things. First, I am not into super masculine guys. I would like to play guys more on the average or ‘twink’ end of the spectrum, though that doesn’t mean they can’t have masculine traits, they can have some muscle definition for instance, twinks can still be strong! There are some masculine features I’m just straight up not into on guys, such as facial hair, and most body hair. I’m okay with some pubic hair as long as it’s within reason, and I even think it can be cute! A bit of, say, armpit and leg hair is also fine, again, within reason, but stuff like facial hair and chest hair are not for me. If this is a dealbreaker then I apologize, but it’s a limit for me!

In terms of personality, I’m a lot more open, and you can make your character pretty much anything you’d like, whether it be nerdy, sporty, academic, or whatever else! I do want to request that your personality sort of matches the tone I’m going for, and the idea behind the RP. You should be able to be nervous, hesitant, or scared, and I have a big soft spot for… well soft sides and vulnerability. I love the eventual opening up of our characters to each other, being able to share different parts of them that no one else can see, and being able to vent, worry, and cry to each other, even if that might be hard for them at first. I’d also like them to have some depth, give them interests, cute little quirks, mannerisms that make them unique, etc., that’s what makes a really good character in my eyes, giving them depth.

For age range, I want them to be on the younger side, of course still above 18. 18-22 or so is a good range for two young, inexperienced, but eager guys, but this can be discussed too! Our character’s backstories and lives can be discussed as well, are they working? Taking classes? Both? Living with parents? With a roommate? In dorms? We can discuss all of this in time!

Now while this is designed to be between two cis male characters, I am willing to potentially adjust slightly, depending on a lot of things. There is a chance I’m open to a character being a trans male, or, down the line, one of our characters developing upon their gender identity. Perhaps they’re more comfortable identifying as nonbinary or even trans for instance. I’m open to discussion about this, as while I’m mainly looking for two cis guys, some of these plot lines could be interesting! And regardless, I do love gender questioning, exploration, and experimentation, even if our characters are cis, which I will expand upon next. I will say again however, that this was designed with two cis male characters in mind, and that is, for the most part, how i would like to play this out.

Another thing I want to add is that I greatly enjoy queer themes, which might seem obvious, like, no duh, this is a gay RP, but I’ll explain a bit more. I don’t want our characters to just be gay, I want them to explore their sexuality. I want them to, over the course of the RP and with the other’s help, come to define and understand their sexuality, and the concept of sexuality, better. I also like similar things with gender, for instance, one or both of our characters slowly developing their feminine side, or them coming to their own understanding on what gender means to them. Perhaps there is a mismatch between what they are and what they’ve been taught a man is supposed to be, and that can be something they tackle and struggle with. Again, these things aren’t an overnight change, and should be adequately and respectfully explored throughout the story. This applies to other things too that also relate to sexuality, for instance, power dynamics, gender roles, societal norms, or perhaps one of our characters is just a furry (we are still playing humans, I don’t mean like they are literally an anthropomorphic character), who knows? I really love exploring concepts like this, and I think it’s really interesting to philosophize and think about this stuff, and it adds a lot to the characterization too.

A few more things I want to mention, and that is related to position. Specifically, bottoming/topping and domming/subbing. I almost always play switch verses, and would highly prefer you did as well. Our characters personalities may dictate their preferences, and they will get more defined as they go on, and may develop new preferences or open up more, but overall I’d love the freedom to explore a lot of different things! And additionally, not every scene has to involve penetration, I love foreplay and other forms of sex just as, if not more sometimes. Same with domming and subbing, not every encounter has to have a strict dom or sub, sometimes they will experiment, sometimes they’ll switch, and sometimes it will be more neutral, with no clear dominant or submissive.

—————————

Wow, that was a lot huh?! This sort of shows you how my brain works, when I really get into an idea, I can write a damn Bible’s worth about it. If you’re similar, and put detail and passion into your writing, we will get along great! This last section will include information about me, there is a pinned post that goes over a lot of that stuff, but I want to write some of it here, as I haven’t looked back at it in a bit.

First of all, I much prefer writing in first person, it helps me connect to a story, and unless I’m playing multiple characters (which I don’t plan on in this) I often screw up the person, accidentally writing stuff like “He looked at you” rather than “He looked at him”, just for example. I’m also in PST, but am more than happy to work around the time difference. I tend to get used to my partner’s timezones and more or less remember when they tend to sleep or wake up, so once we’re in a groove things should be super smooth!

This is also a long-term roleplay, as things will play out slowly and gradually, and I can happily go indefinitely should we really click and enjoy collaborating. Things do happen, and I don’t expect you to respond every second of the day, and in fact I’d much rather you focus on your life over this. That said, I do appreciate communication, I do my best to let you know any time I know I’m going to be unavailable, and I would appreciate the same, at the very least a “Hey, I’m going to be busy for a while, I’ll respond when I can.” sort of thing.

I put in all my effort to my writing, and I expect you to do the same. I tend to write multiple paragraphs per response, but that depends on the context and scene in question. No matter what, I do try to provide something, even when I don’t have much to work with, whether that’s my character’s thoughts, ambience details, or just subtle, unnoticeable things like what I’m doing with my hands, or the way I’m fidgeting or standing. I like detail, and I try to put that in my writing as often as possible.

I also much prefer writing on Discord for super detailed, long-term, and information heavy plots like this, however I don’t want to go straight there, let’s chat here for a bit and find out if we’re a good fit for each other first!

—————————

There may be stuff I missed, but that can all be discussed in time. I’ll end off with one more thing, and that’s about who you are as a person. Frankly, I’m not picky with who you are, whether you’re male, female, cis, trans, nonbinary, nor where you’re from, your interests, or anything like that, you’re playing a role, and I believe anyone can play that role. I’m not against us talking casually, and in fact I think that can be good, even just small chatting about how our day went or something, I’m fine with that, as while I’m not going into this with the goal of making friends, we do build a bond of sorts after RPing together, especially if it goes on for months or years, which I’m willing to do. That is the case, as long as it doesn’t get too personal.

I’ve had partners in the past get way too personal way too quick, especially in character driven RPs like this, and that really puts me off. The biggest no-no for me is any sort of flirting or sexting. Talking about sex is fine by me if it’s platonic, for instance, relating to a scene we play out, or sharing an experience that shaped your views, I’m generally quite an open person, but if you try to actually flirt with me or anything, then I will not engage with you anymore. I’m not interested in being with any real person in any way right now, especially not online. I do think that goes without saying, but I thought I’d say it anyway.

Okay! I’ll leave it there. That was very long but I had a lot of thoughts and I just took my meds, so I had to put them somewhere. If you read all the way through this, you have my utmost respect and I highly appreciate it! If you’re still interested in discussing this with me, please don’t hesitate to reach out! While I don’t expect you to write a message anywhere near as long as this, I do love reading long messages! This plot will be open as long as this post stays up, so take your time writing a first message and don’t rush! I promise I will get to you, and putting effort in is the best way to catch my eye.

I hope to hear from you soon, and take care!