Unexpected avoidant discard

I never post on Reddit but I’ve been left confused by how it ended. I was always a very anxious person with relationships and sometimes that creeps in but going through therapy and understanding why I was this way helped me control that so much more over the last year. Abit of background I went through my first real relationship at 18-20 and until I got out of it i didn’t realise I was with someone who had Borderline Personality Disorder and I had to deal with a lot with the trauma bond I had with this girl. But not looking for a relationship for well over a year i decided to try again and see where it goes.

I met this girl on tinder and we planned a date 2 weeks in advance, between then it was great and ticking all my boxes, we didn’t text all the time but when we did it was meaningful and for the first time I never had any anxiety talking to someone and the outcome of it, if it wasn’t meant to be then no pressure I’ll be okay and keep going. I wanted to be sure with this girl that she was right for me so we had 6 dates and I knew I wanted to make it official and she was hinting to ask her out on our last date. I was her first everything which really surprised me but she had high standards and never had any attention from guys so it never happened for her. I had suffered with alot of trauma from my childhood but I worked through it in therapy and was understanding of it all. We both shared our childhoods on one of these dates and opened up to eachother and she mentioned she had the same, she never got much attention because of an issue with her brother took up alot of her parents time. She felt uncomfortable with physical affection but in the first month she became comfortable with me and didn’t want to leave when we were together.

I moved 2 hours away just for 3 months and wasn’t feeling great in myself, I was alone for a week at a time and didn’t see my family, was just working. She noticed on a weekend we spent together and told me to lean on her if I need too and she’ll be there for me. I called her once to twice a week and it was nice just to see her and not text. I saw her maybe once to twice every two weeks and I was fine with that. But I felt a lack of her ever making plans or wanting to see me and her texts became inconsistent and would just disappear where normally she’d put in the effort to say she’s tired and she’ll text me tomorrow. When I did see her I never got a hug or anything to make me feel like missed me and over time it felt like more of a friendship than anything. It remained surface level and not like we were building intimacy more. She became rude out of nowhere when we were together, dismissing me or rolling her eyes anytime I said something. Her parents and brothers loved me, her mother said if she would have her bring anyone home it would be me.

I was working 12 hour shifts all weekend and was on my way home and asked her what she was up too, was out drinking with her parents so I asked if I could go out with them, I drove 3 hours to her and had a great night out. But when she first saw me she was so excited and put her arms out but straight away suppressed that and made it like i didn’t want to see that side of her. When we got back to her place I said I wanted to talk about something that was bothering me. I told her it felt like if i didn’t plan anything we wouldn’t see eachother and would be nice if she made plans to see me abit more effort in that regard. She agreed and we had a great rest of the night. I met more of her family the following day which I thought was going to be the next week but that was fine. I was really tired from the week and hadn’t been home for awile so I wasn’t fully myself which she knew and said i didn’t need to stay for long. She texted me after and said they loved me and couldn’t wait to see me at the wedding(her brother’s) after that she texted me saying she would like to talk about what i mentioned the other night but wanted to meet in a mutual place, i didn’t think much of it because i was actually really comfortable with this girl, no anxiety around it.

So with this it basically went around in circles saying she’s just not that type of girl to see eachother often and wouldn’t mind not seeing me for weeks or calling. She felt overwhelmed when we first started talking and that it drained her. I didn’t know what to say because to me it didn’t even feel like we had an intense honeymoon phase I just felt at peace with this girl and she was the one. She was very harsh in the words she used, said I was too much for her and she doesn’t really feel the need for any sort of physical intimacy and it doesn’t bother her. She also said she had no free time to herself ever and we saw too much of eachother….once or twice every 2 weeks. I said to me even with those times we did hang out that I felt more like a friend to her and couldn’t be close yet all she wanted at the start was for me to not leave her side. She through out some really small things that I was doing that annoyed her but never mentioned to me during the relationship and I said that’s easy I can not do that. If she needed more space for herself in the relationship I understood that but it was more of a case that I didn’t know she did. I don’t need to be clingy or anxious about a relationship anymore and we both have our own lives and hobbies so that’s okay? There was nothing I could say and honestly felt like she wasn’t even there just a blank look and deflection anytime I tried to fix it. I stopped trying to talk to her and fix it and asked if she wanted me to go and just said “I suppose so”. I texted her when I got home and basically said i wasn’t expecting that and I loved her, everything from my side is fixable and I hope that won’t be the end. Her reply was that’s we were both very different people but doesn’t regret the relationship. We had so much in common and everything we wanted out of a relationship, same goals and expectations of eachother. I didn’t reply and have held no contact for a week now but still hoping somewhat she comes back but understanding that being with someone like this from my past isn’t good for me. I’m going back to therapy tomorrow:)

I just don’t understand how people can switch like this and like it meant nothing to them? It just hurts more that I took my time with this relationship and was so certain in her just to show me that asking for abit more from her side was “overwhelming”