To RK

I don’t know if you’ll ever know who this is from, although if you read this, I suspect you’ll know almost immediately.
I wanted to say thank you.

Thank you for being real. For being straightforward, honest, simple, fun, understanding, caring and considerate. For being unapologetically yourself.
There is something incredibly refreshing about you. You don’t seem to need to pretend or perform or make yourself into something you’re not. You just are who you are. And I’ve always valued that about you.

I read something recently about attachment and how, sometimes, the people who try hardest to keep someone happy, reassure them, accommodate them and make sure they never feel rejected can actually trigger the very fears they’re trying to soothe.

But apparently there is another kind of connection that can have a completely different effect.
Not someone who tries to fix you.
Not someone who constantly reassures you.
Not someone who changes themselves to accommodate you. Just someone who is secure enough to be completely themselves; honest, independent, caring, consistent and comfortable with their own life.
Someone whose presence quietly shows you that closeness doesn’t have to mean losing yourself, and distance doesn’t automatically mean abandonment.
And I think that’s what made me understand something about you.

You have never tried to do any of that for me.
You’ve never tried to fix me.
You’ve never tried to make yourself responsible for how I feel. You’ve simply been yourself.
And somehow, without any effort on your part, being around you has shown me something about what comfortable connection can actually feel like.

There is something about you that has always felt strangely easy.

You have your own life, your own world, your own things happening, and I’ve never felt like I have to chase after you or hold onto you to keep the connection alive.
You’re just you.

And somehow, that has made it easier for me to just be me.

I don’t sit around wondering what you’re doing when we’re apart. I don’t need to know where you are or what you’re thinking. You can disappear into your own world and live your life, and I can live mine.

And then when we are together, we get on like a house on fire, that’s our time. I think that’s something I’ve come to appreciate more than I ever realised.

There’s one memory of you that has stayed with me more than you probably know. One of the most memorable cuddles I’ve ever had was with you, sitting there on that backyard dining chair, with you straddling me and your legs through the aluminium arms holding me close because I asked you for a cuddle.

I remember how petite you were, because when I wrapped my arms completely around you, my hands nearly met at my sides.

But what I remember most wasn’t anything complicated.
You didn’t rock back and forth. You didn’t rub my back. You weren’t trying to do anything.
You just held me.
And I remember having quite a lot of thoughts in that moment, to be honest.
But underneath all of them was one very simple thought:
This is comfortable. I do think about that cuddle when I think of you. Not complicated. Not something I needed to analyse. Just comfortable.

And I think that moment probably says more about what I value about you than I could ever properly explain.
You don’t owe me anything. You never have.
And that’s part of what makes this worth saying.
This isn’t a letter asking for anything. It isn’t an attempt to change anything, and it isn’t saying that I need you in my life in order to be okay.
Quite the opposite.

I think one of the most valuable things about knowing you is realising that I can appreciate someone’s company deeply without needing to possess it.

I can enjoy you when you’re there, appreciate the connection we have, and still let you be completely free to live your own life.

And perhaps that’s what I mean when I say thank you.
You haven’t healed me.
You haven’t tried to.
You’ve simply been yourself.
And somewhere along the way, being around someone so genuinely yourself has helped me understand a little more about myself.

That’s a pretty special thing.

So thank you, R
For being real.
For being funny.
For being caring.
For being considerate.
For being honest.
For being wonderfully, unapologetically you.

Some people leave a much bigger impression on us than they’ll ever know.

Love to you and the kiddos mate.