32M4F - Looking for My Constant

Hey all. Ren here. Rather than tell you what I'm looking for, let me tell you what I lost.

We met online via our old blogs way back when those were things people still did. We liked each other's writing, so it wasn't too hard to think we'd like each other as people too. The talks started with movies and poetry. We gradually introduced more of our personal lives and real life activities.

And then, during the late nights, the lonely nights, the flirting started. The honest desires, skirting what we really wanted to say and do with dressed up words and metaphors. "I crave you" really meant "I wish I could take you on my bed and devour your body. I want to feel every inch of you against my skin as you sink into me and I bury myself deep inside you".

Until we finally started admitting those things to each other too. And we realized not only how freeing it was to admit and say aloud, how exciting and turned on it made us. Sending pictures to each other of couples deep in the throes of passionate fucking, asking "imagine if this was us, how often would we do it, how would we do it, where would we do it". And the more we talked, the more it became the fuel and fire for our lust. Sometimes it would be appreciating each other's bodies. Tasting each other's juices on our tongues. Other times it would be wild, animalistic, primal fucking. Needing to consume and control. Fucking. You gripping the bedsheets like your life depends on it as I fuck you through the bed. My tongue greedily lapping at your pussy until your juices run down my chin in a sloppy mess. Am I simply cumming inside you. Or am I breeding you. Filling you. Claiming you.

It wasn't fueled by taboo roleplays or the craziest of kinks. It was desire and lust, and for the two of us, the greatest turn on was thinking of the most lewd, lascivious, deliciously dirty things to say and saying and hearing them back. It worked great. For a time.

Then I found a girlfriend in real life. One who is beautiful and kind and exciting. But isn't her. Doesn't know how to say things into my ear that reach down to my cock. Doesn't send gasping throaty voice notes while fingering herself telling me she's thinking of me. And I told her these things, and for a time, it was enough to keep going.

But I realize that my cheating kink was just one too far for her. She wanted more. I wanted this. So she more than backed off. She disappeared. And it's okay. I understand. I respect that. If there's one thing that's true the entire time, it's that she knew what she wanted. And I loved how she told me.

So that's what I'm looking for. In different ways. Do we need to connect in that way? Not necessarily. Life is complicated and takes away time, I get it. It's hard to create that connection all over again. But that feeling. That kind of phone sex and sexting relationship that makes you seek out the next phone notification. The kind that's flirty and personal and tinged with just enough kinks and taboo to make it exciting. Maybe you want to ignore the fact I'm already in a relationship. Maybe you too have a kink for that and want to lean into it. Maybe you're tired of the try-hards who go too hard too fast. You want it dirty and filthy too but you don't need it to be obscene or taboo. Well, I'm here. I'm waiting for you. I'm on the other side, throaty, gasping, waiting to tell you everything.