[HM][SF][BL] I've been Ripped Off

Book I: The Guardian Spirit Internship

Chapter 1:

I was robbed! 32 years of my life—gone! From right under my nose. All of my life choices shall now just remain possibilities.

I was reaped due to a major execution mishap at the hands of one of the agent of the Underworld Registry. My name is Chen, but most people call me Xiao Chen, and my leash on life was severed all because Ma Mian couldn't keep his eyes on the job.

Sitting alone in the waiting room of the First Court of Fengdu, the Taoist Hell, it took all of my self control to not go ape-shit on the ancient-looking, stereotypical civil servant hiding behind a massive desk.

"Look, Xiao Chen ah," my bespectacled caseworker, Officer Gao, droned as he thumbed through a thick ledger book. He was a low-ranking spirit, dressed in a rumpled, ancient bureaucrat's robe who constantly puffed on cheap, pungent tobacco through a long bamboo pipe.

He tapped on an entry in a thick ledger with a yellowed fingernail. "The Horse-Faced Guard wrote it down right here. You see here? Heart failure during a lunchtime stroll on the streets of Ningbo. The paperwork is complete and filed. Case closed."

"Heart failure?! Me or Ma Mian???" I lost it and slammed my translucent fists on his mahogany desk. "I was thirty-two and minding my own business, sipping on my bubble tea while admiring the structure of the ancient temple! Out of the corner of my eye, I saw this absolute hunk of a muscle guy walked past the temple. I'm talking about a jawline that could cut glass, a tight sleeveless shirt that hid nothing, and completely shredded arms! Then I was there, sitting in this waiting room!” I pointed at the seat that I had just vacated.

Before Officer Gao could blow another suffocating cloud of grey smoke into my face, the heavy doors of the office burst open.

In strode Ma Mian himself, towering, terrifying, but looking incredibly sheepish for a demonic guardian of the underworld. His ears were flattened against his head in shame. Hands rubbing together nervously. Kind of adorable—what’s wrong with me, now is absolutely not the time for hopeless romantic mode.

Ma Mian pulled Officer Gao aside and in a lowered voice, he said,” It was me. I bunged it. I was in the middle of a executing a flawless, high-arc full-speed, sweeping motion reap when that Roman sculpture of an adonis stepped in front of me and threw off my aim.” His ears flattened against his head and with face lowered in shame, he continued, “I swear, I was only distracted for a nanosecond, but it threw my aim, the swing went wild and I got the guy standing next to my target.”

Officer Gao paused mid-puff and blinked rapidly. "That does sound like you," he mumbled, disapproval on his face. “You know we have to report this, right?”

Overhearing the conversation between Ma Mian and Officer Gao, I quickly exclaimed, "I knew it! Ma Mian completely lost his professional focus!" I continued, “I want to go back! You can’t keep me here!” I pounded my fists on the desk to emphasize my point.

“Unfortunately, it is not so simple. In order to send you back, we have to file Supplemental Resurrection Appeal Form 1447.6A. This is subject to approval by the relevant departments. There is a chance your application can be rejected unless you have enough virtue points stored in your bank. Applicants may choose to boost their virtue points by doing good deeds while they wait.”

“I have to wait? Even though my life expectancy isn’t up yet?” I whined!

“I don’t make the rules,” said Officer Gao stoically.

“How many virtue points should I try to bank,” I continued to probe.

“As many as possible, maybe around one hundred thousand?” offered Officer Gao.

"ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND points? Do I have to remind you, again, that it wasn't even my fault," I whined even louder.

Throughout this exchange, Ma Mian was just standing on the sidelines, sweating through his armour. "Shhhhhh." Ma Mian shushed as he looked around nervously before leaning over the desk, dropping his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "Fine, fine, you can start with ten thousand points. Look, Xiao Chen, I am so sorry. I will do what I can to help you get back your life. I’ll even try to fast track your case so it is preapproved for resurrection.”

In a whisper that only Officer Gao and I could hear, “I really hope that Judge Yan Luo doesn’t find out that I botched a reaping because I was lusting over a gym bro, I'll be demoted to scrubbing the Cauldron of Boiling Oil!" He earned some honesty points in my books.

"We will activate the virtue point system to help you keep track of your progress," said Officer Gao. "The virtue point system was designed to reward the significance of your action. Give a man a fish and you've earned some points. Teach a man to fish and you will earn a lot more points," he continued, "Oh, and we also deduct points for failed attempts! A lot of points."

"Alright, ten thousand points. Should be easy, right? Sign me up," I said.

System Prompt

Mission Accepted

Current Balance: -10,000 Virtue Points

It was not easy. As a newly dead spirit, I had absolutely no idea how to control my ghostly abilities, turning simple tasks into total disasters.

 

 

Chapter 2:

My first assignment was to protect my second cousin, a reckless food delivery rider on an e-bike, from a car accident. “That should be easy…I’ll just make him slow down,” I thought to myself. So, for my first attempt, I tried to warn him with a gentle, chilling breath. Instead, I manifested a freezing gale straight from the Antarctica that essentially rendered him a human popsicle He drove straight into a ditch while trying to zip up his jacket against the sudden cold but twisted the accelerator instead. Five hundred demerit points for bodily harm and property damage. Officer Gao smacked his forehead.

Luckily, my cousin was not seriously injured. He surveyed the scene after he climbed out of the ditch, sat down on the curb, and started crying, "That's one month of earnings gone!" That confession caused a combination of what felt like heartburn and indigestion welled up inside my chest. That was also my only attempt. With an injured cousin, and a mangled mode of transportation, he was laid up for a few days.

System Prompt

Mission Failed! Deduct 500 Virtue Points

Current Balance: -10,500 Virtue Points

To speed up my resurrection, Ma Mian pulled some strings and quickly reassigned me to my aunt, a hardcore mahjong player. The moment I appeared in her living room, my senses were assaulted by incense, jasmine tea, and the sharp clatter of tiles. Three other people sat around the automatic mahjong table, deep in gossip about the neighbours. Their conversation, however, did nothing to slow their hands, which seemed to move on their own as they constantly drew and discarded tiles.

The game was about halfway through, and I noticed that my aunt's money drawer was nearly empty. Certain that she needed help, I successfully used telekinesis to slide the winning tile into her hand. "Aiyah!" my aunt cried as she slammed the Bamboo 5 onto the table. "HU!"  I puffed up with pride! I had done it! I helped my aunt! “Five fan plus zjee moh! Pay up, pay up!”

Across the table, Seventh Uncle's frown deepened. He cracked his knuckles and without a word, he pointed at the Bamboo 5 Pong my aunt had declared earlier and counted, “One, two, three.” Then he pointed at my aunts winning 5 Bamboo and counted, four!” Then, ever so slowly, he revealed his own Bamboo 5 from behind his own tile wall, and said, “Five!” A deafening silence fell on the room. The air thick with still breath. Then, shrill accusations rang out around the table:

 "You're a cheat!"

"Where is your honour?"

"You have no shame!"

"How can there be five Bamboo 5s?" and the mahjong table went flying across the room.

Officer Gao shook his head in disappointment and asked, "Why would you intervene when you don't have all the information?"

"I thought maybe my aunt wanted to win ...?" I said uncertainly.

"Wrong assumption!” Officer Gao scolded. Then, while rubbing his temple, he added, “They play every Thursday -- rain or shine. They gossip. They laugh. They have grown closer over the years. It was never about who won or lost. They've enjoyed each other's company for years and, thanks to you, a weekly tradition that usually ended with tea and snacks was now threatening to become the biggest mahjong corruption scandal this neighbourhood has ever seen."

System Prompt

Mission Failed! Inciting disharmony amongst family!

Deduct 1,500 Virtue Points

Current Balance: -12,000 Virtue Points

Officer Gao's disappointed gaze hurt far more than the demerit points.

 

 

Chapter 3:

"You are a disaster, Xiao Chen ah," Officer Gao growled. "Two failed missions, in a row. You are going to be the death of me …” “But you are already dead…” I quipped. You could tell that he wasn’t going to take my attempt to break the tension and was really furious. Officer Gao’s bamboo pipe bellowed like a chimney, as he tried to keep his emotions under control.

"You are SUPPOSED to earn virtue points and yet you are losing them like a swift flowing river. This is your final chance. Ma Mian is sponsoring this last target out of his own pocket."

“Take it easy, old man! He’s still adapting!” Ma Mian told Officer Gao as he pulled me into a quieter part of the hall and, in a hushed tone, gave me some tips on how to better control my "abilities". Then he conjured a magical parchment that was broadcasting a live stream of my younger cousin, Sean. He was currently lazing on a sofa in a modern apartment, eating potato chips, and flipping through a gaming magazine while simultaneously ignoring his mother's threats to “find a job or else…”.

"Sean needs to pass his civil service exams," Officer Gao instructed. Then, taking one last massive puff of his pipe, he disappeared into a choking, dense cloud of tobacco smoke.

Ma Mian squeezed my shoulder and said, "I know you can do this!" and I was teleported into a sun-filled room, Sean's room. Sean was snoring loudly, an open textbook laid across his face. I thought he would be studying. What a lazy bum. I floated over to his bed, mustered every ounce of my ghostly energy, and slapped the book off his face.

"Aiyah!" Sean yelped and bolted upright. He thought his mother had come to nag again, but was faced with an empty room. Scratching his head, he exclaimed "What the hell?"

"Study…….Study…….STUDY!" my whispers getting louder, as if volume had any real impact on his actions. On the last “study” I manifested a sudden chill that froze his bubble tea solid. “Hey, the tips from Ma Mian worked! I have better control!” I was surprised.

Sean stared at the frozen bubble tea on his bedside table. He glanced at the closed bedroom window, then the closed bedroom door, before looking back at the drink. He muttered a "Nope" and pulled the blanket over his head. "I am not dealing with whatever this is at three in the afternoon."

A soft golden notification appeared in front of my face.

Attempted Motivation: +5 Virtue Points

Five points! PLUS five points! I ACTUALLY did something right. After two miserable failures, seeing a number without a minus sign almost brought me to tears. I was ready for a celebration. "Congratulations and keep it up!" a tiny spectral messenger window appeared with a joyous chime. "Current total: negative 11,995." It was like an ice-cold bucket of water had been poured over my head.

"Why did you have to tell me that?"

"Regulations." And the messages vanished.

The next morning, Sean sat at his desk and stared at the mock civil exam questions in front of him for exactly thirty-seven seconds. Then he opened another tab on his browser and navigated to a gaming website.

I whispered "study" while blowing freezing breaths on the back of his neck. Sean ignored the chill. I intentionally sent his mouse flying from his hand. He picked it back up and continued to ignore the incident. "Must be a nervous jerk of the hand," he muttered.

"Study!!!" He ignored me again.

In frustration, I moved to minimize the game window on his laptop and brought back the mock civil exam on to his screen. This time, Sean froze. Slowly, very slowly, he turned around to survey the room, half expecting to see something and yet hoping to see nothing. "Really…?" Dead silence. “Can't be." He shook his head. "Can it?" His eyes narrowed. "Is someone there?" he nervously asked.

For the first time since becoming a ghost, I felt nervous. Technically spirits were not supposed to reveal themselves. But my track record for following rules wasn't exactly stellar. Sean stood up. "Show yourself." I remained invisible. Sean grabbed a slipper. "Listen, whatever you are. Show yourself! This is my grandmother's blessed slipper. Don't make me use it." I backed away immediately. I had been dead for less than a month, but even I know not to challenge Chinese grandmothers. Especially the tiger matron that is our grandmother.

Sean was so creeped out by the "subtle" interventions that morning that he left the apartment and ignored his studies for the rest of the day. This was yet another major backfire in my attempts at motivation. I felt the "tsk, tsk, tsk" of disapproval from a grumpy official all the way from Fengdu.

 

Chapter 4:

That night, while Sean slept, I snooped in Sean’s room. Every drawer in his desk was evidence of his efforts. Finished and half-finished mock exam papers littered every surface. Civil service exam guides were crammed with handwritten notes, highlighted passages, and color-coded tabs that I couldn’t begin to make sense of. Sticky Notes with post-mortem analysis were stuck to the completed mock exams. Under these were even more handwritten supplemental notes.

I stared in disbelief at the sheer volume of data. The dedication. The focus. The effort it must have taken to accomplish all of this! I was dumbfounded! My assumptions were shattered! The amount of work that Sean had done was not the work of someone who is lazy.

In the last place I looked, I found a notebook hidden under his pillow. Opening it, I discovered another dozen or so of failed mock exam papers that he had completed.

42%.

51%.

45%.

39%.

47%.

Carved across every page in red marker – Not good enough!

"Oh…."

I sat beside the sleeping Sean. For the first time, it became clear. Sean was not distracted from his studies. He was avoiding the feeling of failure after each unsuccessful attempt.

Every failed practice paper had convinced Sean that he was not good enough. Every negative response or look of disappointment from his parents just reinforced his self-assessment.

Maybe being “lazy” is better than being “not good enough”? Well, Sean definitely isn’t lazy but the question remained, “How to fix this?”

A golden notification appeared.

System Notification

Insight of Target: +100 Virtue Points

Correct Identification of Root Cause: +200 Virtue Points

"WHAT?" I nearly floated through the ceiling.

Meanwhile, in Fengdu, “How is our little “accident” doing?” Ma Mian asked Officer Gao, as he galloped into the office.

Taking a long draw from his bamboo pipe, Officer Gao replied flatly, “Our plumber finally figured out that he’s actually supposed to be a plumbing engineer!” A smile spread across his wrinkled face.

Returning to Fengdu, I tracked down Officer Gao and inquired, "You mean, all this time, I was supposed to help them emotionally?"

Officer Gao, in a matter-of-fact way, stated, “Page 13. Subsection 4C, paragraph 3."

“Wait! What?” I asked in confusion.

“The manual.”

“Was there a manual? Did someone forget to tell me about the manual?” I said in defiance. “Where is this manual?”

“I bet you didn’t even open the orientation package,” Officer Gao said in disbelief.

My brain went blank. All I could do was stare at Officer Gao like a deer caught in the headlights.

Orientation Package. Manual. It was all laid out in nice chapters and subsections but I was too smart to even look.

I retreated towards the door.

“Where are you going?” asked Officer Gao.

All I had left was some lame excuse like, “I have to go…find…. Officer Gao.”

Officer Gao actually jerked his head to look at me.

“You have found him…..”

“Oh…right…yes!”

I fled.

Chapter 5:

The next time I visited Sean, he was standing behind his desk. A lonely figure with his shoulders slumped. Sean looked at the stack of completed mock exam papers he had been hiding under his pillow. Exasperated, he flung the whole stack into a corner. I mustered every ounce of spectral power I could muster and organized his papers chronologically. With what energy I had left, I circled questions he had answered correctly in earlier papers but got wrong in later ones. The pattern revealed itself to Sean. Disbelief hung over his face.

39% -> 40% -> 42% -> 44% -> 45% -> 48% -> 51% ->53%.

Sean looked through the mock exam papers repeatedly. His jaw hung slack. After a moment, a single "Huh!" escaped his lips. The air hung still in the quiet. Sean said nothing. His fingers tracing the progression of the scores. Finally, he whispered, "The scores … they went up?"

"I actually … got better?"

"I am … not stupid?"

Like a puppet with its strings cut, Sean collapsed onto the floor.  He was trembling. Not from fear. He was sobbing his heart out. For the first time, he realized that this is all possible.

A burst of golden light exploded from the ceiling.

Target Confidence Increased.

Target Motivation Increased.

Target Self-Worth Increased.

The notifications appeared in quick succession. I stared at the shimmering announcements, also slack-jawed. By showing Sean that he was getting better, I was getting better too. I am sure the road ahead is still full of obstacles. The system notifications alone showed me that the issues are multi-faceted. Still, I can rest well tonight knowing that I am, at last, headed in the right direction.

Still in a daze from my surprise success, a paper crane suddenly floated into sight. It landed on my open palm and unfolded itself, revealing a simple "Well Done!". Turning the piece of paper all about, I did not see a signature, but caught a faint scent of…hay? "Hmmmm … I certainly haven't told anyone yet!"

That night, I discovered another pleasant surprise. As Sean slept, I found that I could enter and control his dream realm. This shared space made communication easier for Sean and me. Of course, nobody had bothered to tell me this. Yes, I know there is a manual, but I still have not read the manual. Perhaps I should be assigned my own guardian spirit to fix my laziness.

Sean found himself standing in a vast examination hall. Casually chewing on melon seeds, I sat behind a desk facing rows and rows of empty desks that stretched into eternity. Sean, having taken the seat at a desk across from mine, immediately pointed at me with recognition,

"YOU!"

Chapter 6:

"Yes, cousin, it's me."

"You're the one haunting my room!"

"Haunting is such an ugly word. I prefer the term - controlled disturbances."

Sean picked up a chair and threw it at me. The chair flew through my spectral body. He screamed and tried to run, futilely, from me. Silly boy. He knew I died, right?

“There is no escape! mwahahahaha....Ok, ok, I had to slip that in there. I am not here to harm you. I want to help you pass your civil servant exam.” I tried to explain above his screams.

He finally got exhausted from trying to run away from me and over the following weeks, as he grew used to my "existence", our dream meetings became a routine. When I needed to instruct him, Sean would drift into the dream examination hall.

Initially, I focused on teaching Sean the content in the civil exam, and his scores improved. However, his results started to plateau when I began running out of materials. Despite our best efforts, Sean became increasingly frustrated and discouraged. He once again felt like he was wasting his time. I realized that information was not the barrier to improvement. If facts were all Sean needed, he could get those from books. I shifted my approach to teaching Sean exam strategy. I thought it was better to switch gears with Sean before he decided to give up again. Keeping my improving virtue points balance is just an added bonus!

"You're treating every question like it insulted your ancestors," I told him one night, after another confidence-shredding mock exam.

"Because every question feels like a personal attack!" Sean shot back.

"Even so," I said with a wave of my hand, hundreds of exam papers appeared in the air - another neat trick that Ma Mian taught me.

"Some questions are worth fighting for more than others."

“But isn’t every point critical in the exam?” asked Sean.

“Not exactly.”

I taught Sean to scan the entire paper before answering anything.

"Don't spend the same amount of time on every question. As you review the entire exam paper, you can immediately try to answer the multiple-choice and true/false questions. In case your brain decides to take a holiday during the exam, you have at least a 25% chance of answering multiple choice correctly by guessing, while true/false questions offer a 50% chance. Do not even leave these blank. Then cross the question off in the exam paper, so you don’t accidentally spend time reading them again."

"Next, circle the answer when it is already in the question. Examiners write so many questions that sometimes they are too lazy to re-phrase the question and end up giving you the answer! Go ahead and answer these as well and cross them out on your exam paper."

"Lastly, award the ugly questions a score from 1 to 5 - identify what just looks grumpy from the ones that are plotting your demise. Answer the easy questions with high points – the low hanging fruits."

Sean had a rebellious look on his face, "Isn't doing all that wasting time I don't already have?"

"Taking ten minutes to plan an attack is more useful than charging in blindly!"

Sean fought my methods. Night after night, he questioned the tactics. Night after night, he made no improvements. I finally had to beg him to try.  “What can you lose?” I asked. He begrudgingly gave up the fight one night. I think I wore him down. Even though Sean did not want to show it, the tactical changes demonstrated marked improvements almost immediately.

The change in exam strategy also helped Sean to be calmer and more focused when he returned to the difficult sections. The questions are no an ”ambush” the second time around.

His mock examination scores climbed steadily after that.

63% -> 65% ->67% ->71%.

With a smile so wide I thought he might split his face, Sean looked at his most recent test score for so long I thought someone fried the circuits in his brain.

“Is this for real,” he asked in disbelief.

“Not unless the score sheet is lying!” I replied, trying not to get choked up.

 

 

Chapter 7:

One night, while I sat alone in the study hall, waiting for Sean, he didn’t show up until 3AM.

“What happened? Are you ok?” I inquired.

“Yah. After dinner, I went out to get some reference material and ran into a friend. She invited me to join her for some supper and I went along.” He explained.

“That’s not too bad…and then?” I tried to pry more from him.

“Well, one thing led to another, and we ended up at a karaoke KTV with some classmates. We were singing and drinking and I completely lost track of time.”

“Well, I hope you had fun!”

Sean looked at me in a weird way, “You’re not going to scold me?”

“Why? You’re not my son!”

After that incident, Sean was very well behaved for a few days.  Every small improvement yielded a shower of golden notifications. Sean became more confident in his abilities to pass the civil servant exam, and I gained confidence that we are on the right path. Somewhere in Fengdu, hidden behind a screen of tobacco smoke, Officer Gao's face wore a proud smile.

But for Sean, distractions and peer pressure are a reality. His friends constantly demanded his time. Shopping trips. Fishing excursions. Movies, meals, bubble teas. The requests were relentless.  The worst thing about the lot was his gaming bros:

BRO, WE NEED ONE MORE PLAYER. OUR BEST PLAYER!

COME ON…JUST ONE MORE!

DON’T BE A LOSER!

One thirty-minute session became a three-round relay. That relay became a plea for a revenge round. Well, revenge apparently meant it would take all night to exact. That’s a whole night of much needed rest and a whole day of low energy and lost concentration.

Ridden with guilt, Sean appeared sheepishly in front of me in our dream session the next day.

”No…really, I tried to decline," he explained.

“But you were unsuccessful…”

“It wouldn’t happen again, I promise!”

“Empty promises are like empty containers...”

Instead of making him feel worse about the situation, I taught him another lesson—Balance. Together, we created a timetable for his daily activities - time for study, time for meals, even bathroom breaks.

Sean looked uncertain. "Shouldn't I quit gaming completely?"

"Let's be realistic." I said with a snort. "Life goes on after you’ve completed your exams so you can’t cut them out completely. You enjoy playing games too. If you quit cold turkey, you'll feel deprived and that will lead to resentment. This spiral will eventually bring you back to where you started, you’ll lose your momentum and motivation. Soon you will completely ignore the timetable and can only think of all the things you are missing out on. Appropriate rest and relaxation will do you good. When you are not missing anything, then you can fully concentrate on everything!"

"Fair."

"So, schedule gaming."

"Intentionally?"

"Yeap."

With the timetable, Sean felt more in control. Knowing exactly how his day was planned helped him focus on the task at hand. No deprivation, there was no need for guilty pleasures.

Two months later, Sean completed another full mock examination. He stared at the score sheet. Rubbed his eyes and then looked again. His hands trembled slightly - 80%. For several seconds he said nothing. Then a small smile appeared. Not a triumphant smile. Not a victorious smile. Just the quiet smile of someone beginning to believe in himself.

A massive pillar of golden light erupted through the apartment ceiling.

Major Milestone Achieved

Target Fear Significantly Reduced

Target Self-Confidence Restored

+3,000 Virtue Points

I stared at the number. Each golden notification was not just announcing virtue points gained. To me, it was also an affirmation that Sean's learning was heading in the right direction. It was also an affirmation that I am teaching Sean the right skills. I am starting to realize that there are not always quick fixes for everything. Perhaps I should learn…oy, my head hurts.

Somewhere in Fengdu, Officer Gao nearly choked on his tobacco. "MA MIAN!" he shouted. The horse-faced guardian nearly fell out of his chair. "WHAT NOW?"

"My boy is a disaster no more -- he is actually earning virtue points!" Officer Gao gushed. Ma Mian could only stare and smiled proudly. Officer Gao adjusted his spectacles and muttered something about "acceptable performance." The smile he was trying to hide ruined the effect.

"Oh dear." A frown creased his already lined forehead when his gaze floated to the exam date.

"What?" Ma Mian asked.

"The actual exam is next month."

The two officials exchanged a look.

 

 

Chapter 8:

The night before the examination, Sean had not shown up in the dream realm study hall at our usual time. I started to search for him and found him folded like a pretzel in a dark room down an unfamiliar corridor. He was crying for help and hundreds of arms were grabbing at him and tearing him to shreds from the dark.

I quickly approached him to help him up. He kept screaming "I am not ready" and "I am a fraud" over and over again. Pte-exam anxiety. The stress was getting to him. I tried to soothe him.

“Sean, Sean. Open your eyes. It’s me! You’re having a nightmare!” I shouted above his screams.

Sean’s sobs seemed to have subsided when he heard my voice. When he finally opened his eyes, he immediately turned to face me, "Do you think I'm ready?" 

Stroking his back, I said, "Only you know if you are ready.”

Silence.

“But, to be fair, you know you've improved alot. You've studied hard. You've done all you can. Just stay calm and stick to the tactics you’ve worked on for the last few months."

Sean sighed.

"So tomorrow I just fight the boss battle?"

"It’s time."

More silence.

"But know this. Failure does not mean the end of the world. There is always next time. You also have other options. The end of the world is when you stopped trying."

I am talking too much!

Three days after the exam, Sean opened the examination portal on his computer. Result Announcement Day. His hand hovered over the mouse. His mother hovered behind him. His father hovered behind her. Three aunts had somehow materialized in the apartment and were hovering outside the bedroom door.

Sean clicked.

Silence.

Complete silence.

Then:

"PASSED!"

The screams nearly shattered the windows.

The family and neighborhood chat groups exploded.

A string of “Congratulations” flooded the family chat group. Undecipherable emojis flying everywhere. Excited voice recordings. Relatives would post ten identical messages in a row. In the neighborhood chat groups, strangers were claiming that they "always knew he could do it." Relatives who had not spoken in years suddenly emerging from the digital void. The phones even rang.

Meanwhile, Sean's gaming group reacted exactly as expected.

BRO, WHAT?!

HE ACTUALLY PASSED!

NERD ARC COMPLETE!

THE CIVIL SERVANT DLC IS REAL!

Sean simply sent back a smiling emoji.

For once, he did not downplay his achievement.

That evening the family gathered for dinner. Exuberance choked the air. For the first time in months, nobody looked disappointed or spoke in hushed tones or shook their heads. Nobody talked about past failures. Nobody lamented the wasted potential. They simply celebrated. Sean smiled more during that dinner than I had seen in months. He seemed different.

The next day, the family gathered to give thanks to the ancestors.  The burner overflowed with sandalwood scented incense. Wisps of smoke drifted through the still air. Offerings were laid out on long tables. Bowls, chopsticks and teacups were set before the ancestral altar. A place setting for each ancestor.

Without anyone noticing, Sean quietly placed an additional place setting on the family altar.

Your place among the ancestors, Cousin Chen. 

 

A pillar of golden light erupted from the altar, filling the room.

System Prompt

MISSION COMPLETE

Civil Service Examination Passed

+10,000 Virtue Points

Target Confidence Restored

+5,000 Virtue Points

Target Future Stability Increased

+5,000 Virtue Points

 

Chapter 9:

Having completed the mission, I was teleported back to Fengdu. I find myself standing in the First Court of Fengdu. Walking down the hall, I felt every single pair of eyes on me. Some were whispering and pointing in my direction. I finally found Officer Gao and Ma Mian at one end of the hall.

Ma Mian hung back, standing slightly behind Officer Gao. He was looking at me with a mix of what I interpreted as constipation and pride, goofily scratching the back of his head. He took a step towards me but a dirty look from Officer Gao set him in stone. “Protocol!”

Officer Gao stared so hard at mission report he held in his hands, I was afraid he might burn a hole in the parchment with the ashes from his pipe. After a while, he removed his spectacles to clean them. He quickly wiped his eyes and said, ‘These damn tobacco smoke…I should stop smoking before the smoke blinds me”. He put the glasses back on and again stared intently at the report, avoiding eye contact with me.

In his usual stoic demeanour, he finally said, "Well…if it is even possible…but the disaster actually succeeded." He cracked a crooked smile.

Finally! I was starting to lose my patience.

"I succeeded." I said quietly.

The ice being broken, Ma Mian quickly dashed forward and immediately crushed me in a hug and held me longer than socially acceptable.

"MY BOY! So proud of you!"

What happened next was deeply disturbing! Despite being "manhandled" by a muscular horse demon and the "wrongful termination", what truly surprised me is the unexpected realization that...I suddenly find it difficult to look Ma Mian directly in the eyes without blushing.

Oh no. No, No, No. No. NO!

This could not be happening.

Ma Mian smiled. "Proud of you, kid," he said again with a goofy smile. Again, draping his arm over my shoulder.

“Let go of me…we’re in public!” I pushed him away, suddenly feeling very warm.

Finally, Officer Gao interrupted, “We will submit the mission report and the virtue points awarded for review and approval. I will put a rush on it so you should hear in a few days. In the meantime, there is no more mission so you are free to do what you want with the time. I would suggest reading the manual!”

Of course I didn’t read the manual. With no more mission, why bother? So, I spent time lazing around—in my quarters, in the cafes, surfing the internet. I anticipated picking up my life where is suddenly ended, making full use of the stolen time, life has possibilities, again!

I got a summon on day three, the Judge of the First Court was ready to hand out the final judgement. Standing in front of the judge, I was presented with a golden doorway. In the doorway waited my restored body. The Judge nodded and announced, "In recognition of your successes with the Sean case, the court has decided that you have earned your resurrection."

I looked at the doorway. Then at my virtue point balance. Memories of the reports that still sat on my desk came floating back to me. Reports belonging to:

Failed scholars.

Discouraged students.

People who were convinced they were “not good enough.”

People just like Sean.

"Can I stay?" I asked quietly.

The courtroom erupted! Officer Gao nearly fainted. Ma Mian looked like he might suffer whiplash.

The judge sat still and stared at me for a long time. She finally banged her gavel and the room fell silent.

"You are refusing resurrection?"

“Yes,” I said.

“Why?”

"I kind of liked helping people." I replied.

“Is that all?” She pressed on.

“That’s all I choose to verbalise right now,” I said.

The Judge laughed. A booming laugh that shook the entire nine courts of hell.

"You know this decision is irreversible!”

I nodded.

“Very well! In the case of Wrongful Reaping, let the record shows that the defendant has refused the judgement and has chosen to stay in Fengdu. Let the record also show that this decision is final and binding for eternity! This judge also declare that Chen Xiao shall remain in his current position at the Underworld registry and his virtue points will be converted to currency!”

The bang of the gavel sealed the decisions. Parchments were stamped and court was dismissed.

I got my appointment letter:

UNDERWORLD REGISTRY

Guardian Spirit Division

Senior Academic Guidance Officer

Chen Xiao

 

 

Chapter 10:

My virtue points were immediately transferred into a proper banking system. Turns out the virtue points were not just for resurrection, they could be used as transactional currency and was a particularly useful medium of exchange for special abilities.

For example:

Spectral Telepathy: 500 Points

Dream Walking Upgrade: 1,000 Points

Manifestation Permission: 2,000 Points

Advanced Emotional Insight: 3,000 Points

Exam Hall Projection Technique: 5,000 Points

Naturally, I purchased the emotional insight first. After all, that was the lesson that changed everything.

About a month later, I was officially onboarded as a Senior Academic Guidance Officer and was assigned a permanent teaching hall. On the first day, after the orientation and signing the labor contract, I was told to report to my Liaison Officer.  “Officer Ma Mian will be waiting for you in your study hall.”

I wondered if a facepalm would be an appropriate behaviour for the newly appointed Senior Academic Guidance Officer. I cursed my "good luck". It seemed like there was no way to extricate myself from the "situation".

"Hall" was such a gross understatement. Imagine a wide-open space stretching beyond the horizon, lined with thousands upon thousands of desks and chairs filled with aspiring scholars. The class was made up of living students in their dream realm, recently promoted guardian spirits undergoing training, and newly deceased scholars who are still obsessed with their examinations despite the irrelevance of it all.

I stood at the very front. A blackboard behind me. A pointer stick in hand. I started my lesson …. I began structurally explaining the stragtegies and concepts to the class, essentially the same things I had taught Sean over the last few months. The sound of writing on paper filled the air.

At the back of the hall, Officer Gao monitored attendance while pretending not to care. Ma Mian leaned against a pillar, watching the lecture while failing at being inconspicuous. His head and shoulders were clearly visible above the standard-issue locker, and I distinctly saw his horse ears twitch proudly. Unfortunately for me, there was something weirdly adorable about the ear twitches. This remained a serious professional problem.

A notification appeared.

Lecture Completed

Students Assisted: 12,847

Confidence Increased

Future Prosperity Improved

Virtue Points Earned: +12,000

I beamed.

Over the next month or so, sessions after sessions became a blur of “rinse and repeat”. I had settled into a rhythm, a sort of monotony even. As thousands more students waited for their turn to attend the class, thousands more lives were improved with each class. But I realized something was not adding up. I had been keeping a record of the students I have taught and the virtue points I have earned. Despite teaching so many, my virtue points did not increase proportionally. I realized that not everyone benefited equally from the massive classroom settings.

Armed with my data, I wrote a proposal for educational reform in Fengdu - class prioritization for those with impending exams, smaller class sizes, individualized attention for those who needed it more. Officer Gao looked at the pages and pages of spreadsheets, tables, charts and other supporting evidence for education reform while profusely sucking on his bamboo pipe. He looked up at me mid puff and asked, “You did this?” I nodded sheepishly. “Should have just resurrected your trouble-making ass,” he muttered.

The reform was conditionally approved for a limited time with the help of Officer Gao and Ma Mian’s sponsorship.

My days are now packed with mass classes, exam-specific classes and special one-on-one coaching. Special candidates do require special attention. I barely have any time for myself.

And somewhere in the back row, Ma Mian smiled and motioned for me to approach. "Would you like to get tea sometime?"

I blushed, choked out an "I've got a class to teach," and ran away.