I'm still on the fence :\

I planned to commit on the 13th (two days from now) but I still don't feel prepared. I need to more planning and I just want to get it over with. I fucking hate my life, nothing gets better, I might as well end it.

I have a doctor's appointment later and my social worker just got back from vacation, so I guess I'll wait to see what today brings. But damn, all I think about is cutting or killing myself.