Would a Somali woman actually marry someone like me?

Faith & Relationships 🕋 🕌

I know this might come off as some woke liberal Somali guy from the States trying to change Islam, but I genuinely believe in Islam. I’ve thought about it a lot and it makes the most sense to me, but there are definitely some things I have a hard time accepting, and I’m curious how other Somali people, especially Somali women, feel about it.
I obviously like Somali girls, but I feel like I’m probably going to have an uphill battle when it comes to marriage because of some of my views. I’d rather be honest about them from the beginning than pretend I believe something just to get into a relationship and then have these things become problems later.

For example, I don’t believe hijab is mandatory. If my future daughters wanted to wear it, I’d support them, but if they didn’t, I wouldn’t force them to wear it. I also don’t believe that Allah sends a good person to Hell simply because they weren’t Muslim. I have a hard time believing that someone who spends their entire life being a genuinely good person, helping people and treating everyone with kindness, would automatically deserve Hell because they followed the wrong religion. I believe Allah cares a lot about character and intentions.
I also don’t believe every story in the Quran has to be understood as a literal historical event. I think there are things in the Quran that can have deeper meanings without necessarily being a literal account of what happened. And when it comes to Hadith, I don’t believe they automatically carry the same weight as the Quran. I think there’s room to question individual Hadith and how they should be understood without that meaning you’ve abandoned Islam.
When it comes to women, I don’t believe women are intellectually inferior to men. I don’t believe women are naturally more sinful or that women making up the majority of Hell should be used as some statement about women as a whole. I also don’t believe a wife owes unquestionable obedience to her husband. I see marriage as two people building a life together, and I think both people should have a voice in the relationship.

I don’t believe beards are mandatory for men, and I don’t think music is inherently haram. I also don’t believe LGBTQ people should be discriminated against or treated like they don’t belong in society. You can have religious beliefs about something and still believe people deserve to live their lives without being harassed or treated differently.
I’m also okay with using riba as a financial tool. I’m in real estate, so this is something I’ve actually had to think a lot about. I understand the Islamic argument against riba, but I also think the modern financial system is a lot more complicated than just saying all interest is automatically immoral. If someone lends you money for decades, there’s an obvious reason they expect something in return. The money loses value over time, there’s risk involved, and there’s an opportunity cost to them. Obviously predatory lending is a different issue, but I don’t think every situation involving interest is the same thing.
With all of that said, I still consider myself Muslim and I still believe in Allah. I’m not trying to convince anyone else to believe the way I do either. These are just conclusions I’ve personally come to.

And honestly, I’m wondering if there are Somali women who feel similarly or at least wouldn’t have a problem being with someone who has these views. I already know there are going to be women who would see these things as major dealbreakers, and that’s completely fair. I just don’t want to get into a serious relationship with someone who thinks they can eventually change me or who expects me to become more conservative after marriage.
I’d rather be upfront with a potential from the beginning because if we have completely different ideas about religion, gender roles, how we raise our daughters, money, etc., we’re probably going to have problems eventually anyway.

So for the Somali women here, would you actually be comfortable marrying someone who believes like this? Or would these views be too far outside what you would want in a husband?

Posted Aug 11, 2026, 11:20 AM UTC

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