What counts as "overreacting?"

I recently made a post in another community about the dynamics in the lab: I'm one of two master's students, and the other master's student, a male, gets along better with the (male) PI interpersonally. They have similar backgrounds and senses of humor, the PI goes to his biweekly sports games and has asked for small household favors (eg dogsitting), and their dynamic is in general more relaxed and "human-to-human." We've both been here for about a year.

I was surprised by the response I got in the other subreddit: They all told me I was overreacting, with some telling me I was a miserable misanthropic jealous person and needed therapy. I was surprised because I assumed this was an example of stem gender dynamics, and over my lifetime I have heard so many other women, online or in the media on general, express that they were upset about dynamics like these. There was only one commentator who agreed with me that this was concerning (she said I should find backup mentors/letter-writers in the department) and she got down voted.

Now I don't know whether I've just been brainwashed. Maybe people who get upset over quote-unquote microaggressions are the equivalent of incels who spend too much time on 4chan. Maybe I've just spent too much time online.

So I wanted to ask here. I have two questions: (1) what do you think of the lab situation above? how should I feel about it, if anything? (2) More generally, I'm looking for some real-world wisdom from older women: there's a lot of discourse online and I don't know what to take into my real life and what to leave. I don't know how to balance abstract feminist beliefs with interacting with real people in a genuine way. As an example of what I mean: my dad has said super super misogynistic things, but I also admire his patience and kindness and I have a good relationship with him, ... but should I? should i consider him unsafe to be close to? I don't know "how upset" to be in these situations. If it helps I probably have aspergers so maybe that's why I'm struggling.