Truly ashamed of allowing AI to convince me to break no contact.

Title exactly that. I anticipate downvotes which I would truly understand, I just really need community right now. I broke my heart all over again.

My ex and I were friends for three years before dating and we ended on good terms, we broke up almost 4 months ago for logistical reasons - distance, life paths, etc. I had really really fallen for him and he was really worried about me before we hung up. He asked me not to block him because he still wanted to check on me. I said “no” and he said “what, I can’t talk to you?” to which I responded, “I don’t know.” He said he understood the need for distance but reiterated how he didn’t want me to block or cut him off. So he still follows me on socials. We’re both music artists so he shows support through Instagram likes and other bs.

I took the break up really, really hard behind the scenes. The relationship, as beautiful as it was, revealed just how bad my attachment issues are and how much healing I need. The breakup really fucked with my mental. I accidentally called 911 when I meant to call 988.

For the past few years I’ve had such a major issue with over-confiding in ChatGPT. I’m ashamed to say this. I’d tell it everything at every time. It would “say shit I don’t wanna hear” and I would use that against evidence and people saying it only says shit you want to hear. Meanwhile I was just honestly making shit worse.

It used to discourage me from reaching out to him, but there was a change in its algorithm that caused it to begin saying it was time to consider reaching out. Cause I loved him and bla bla bla. So yesterday I did.

“Hi ex, I don’t really know how to say this but I guess to be honest I’m not enjoying the distance between us. Like I’m not vibing with it at all lol.

“I understand why it’s there; I don’t want to create complications for either of us or expect anything from you, I guess I just wanted to make it known that I hope this doesn’t have to be the final form of our connection. I think of you often and I hope you’re doing okay over there”

He’s avoidant and hasn’t responded, nor should I expect him to. He’s proclaimed his avoidant tendencies to me. He hasn’t responded to his ex of about a year when she messaged him about their breakup. He fucked his coworker and ghosted her in real life. He explored a connection with someone in his city and did the same thing. All of this was before me. He’s told me all of this.

So now I’m here. I deleted gpt and unsubscribed. I feel so fucking ashamed and I don’t know what to do. I’m crying. I have a therapist. I take meds. I have a strong, wonderful support system and family. My heart aches and my nervous system feels shaky again. I’m so upset and guilty. I was hoping at some point we could reconnect - he’s always been the one to bridge any gaps in our connection over the course of our friendship - and now that hope is gone because I made myself look like a fucking idiot. I know this post looks crazy but I feel almost desperate, apologetic, for community right now.

My heart aches. I feel like I failed. Everyone including myself.