Who has the greater issue in the relationship?

The wife is constantly complaining she doesn't feel emotionally safe with her husband, that he doesn't hear her when she interrupts his work at the home office and talks to him for 20 minutes about stuff that is of no consequence to him. He turns away from his computer, listens to her looking at her. Mirrors back a few of the comments, and otherwise remains engaged listening, eventually reminding her he is at work and needs to be on a call, and can pick back up later when work is over. He listens, doesn't try to problem solve or advise.

He handles all chores in the home religiously, cleaning the bathrooms, mowing the lawn, fixing stuff, does the laundry. He has never been unemployed, and makes roughly $250k annually in a moderate cost state.

In her monologs with him, she will often degrade to berating him, criticizing that he does nothing useful and doesn't truly care about how she feels. All the kids are grown and out of the home, this is a second marriage for both, now 15 years. The first 7 years she had a severe alcohol issue, almost costing him his career at one point. She has been fully sober the past 8 years.

He is highly independent requiring nothing from her other than sexual intimacy, and they both have high sex drives. They still have sex twice a week, or more, and have committed to meals together.

She doesn't work, opting instead to spend most of her time helping a daughter with her kids. No financial support anymore to the household. He is resenting this, and has gently raised the issue, but still covers all bills.

Ther argue constantly, the topic usually being that he is unemotional and doesn't care about her, and she is considering divorce to get someone more engaged in the relationship. He refuses to consider divorce an option, believing in keeping his word. There is no violence or cheating in the relationship.

She berated him constantly telling him he is not a man. He remains patient, but sometimes loses it and yells back at her.

What is going on here? Why cant this situation seem to heal or resolve in spite of the continued efforts of both partners? Is he truly not meeting her needs in some way he cannot see? He readily admits he grew up in a home where emotions were not expressed, but parents were successful and stable. No divorce. Her childhood home was destroyed by sexual abuse, many divorces and remarriages....more than 4. The parents were aware of the children being abused and stayed silent.

They both are Christian in belief. What do you do if you are her, and why? What do you do if you are him, and why? Are they stupid to stay together if theirs needs are unmet?