Please Mark my FLE Narrative

Hello! I would really appreciate it if somebody could estimate the marks I would get for a narrative that I wrote. Please give me any feedback or advice as I am genuinely not confident for English. Thank you!

Write about 350 to 450 words on the following question.
Narrative Writing
Write a story with the title, 'Lost'
Up to 16 marks are available for the content and structure of your answer, and up to 24 marks for the style and accuracy of your writing.

The Lost Caves
I stared and the gaping, dark hole stared back at me. The wet mud beneath my feet felt like sleeping sand, and rain droplets obscured my vision. Damp, slithering, contorted ivy leaves covered the cave mouth, denying me permission to enter. But it's not as if I particularly wanted to enter. I couldn't see beyond a few metres into the cave, as the pathway evanesced into darkness. What had I gotten myself into?!
This morning, my friends and I – Aliyah & Ravi – were playing a harmless game of truth or dare. The room was filled with our laughter, with the TV at full volume in the background. As always, Ravi started to tease me about the fact that I was a scaredy-cat. I'm not, I just value my safety more! Well, I was fed up and had already had a couple of drinks, so I exclaimed: ‘You know what, I'll do whatever you tell me to do. And after I do it, you won't say a word about me being a scaredy-cat!’
I wasn't being completely serious; I thought it would fizzle out and be forgotten until I saw Ravi's wicked, devious grin. He was pointing at the TV, which boldly stated, ‘The lost caves have been found!’ Immediately, I sighed loudly.
Normally, the news would be talking about corrupt politicians, but right now it had to be caves. Caves – my biggest enemy. Ever since I was a little girl, I have been deathly afraid of caves. There isn't a particular reason; they just freak me out. But I couldn't back out now.
So I chuckled: ‘Child's play.’
Now I stand in front of the lost caves (that should've remained lost if I'm being honest), contemplating every decision I have ever made, and utterly incapable of chuckling. I pulled myself together. I can do this. Slowly, I shifted the ivy, revealing the complete cave. I placed a hand on my heart to stop it from beating loudly and went inside.
A musty smell encapsulated my senses, my eyes teared up, and I felt trapped in my own body. I couldn't orient myself and kept trying to stay close to the wall. I was breathing heavily, then I realised I had forgotten to turn on my torch. It felt better as the light cascaded down the glistening walls. I had almost calmed down when I saw a large, beastly shadow approaching me. It seemed to have fangs larger than its body, and it moved in a swift, unpredictable manner. I trembled and slowly took steps back, eyeing the shadow that was coming closer. Is this the way I die?
Then a small, quiet, squeaky sound interrupted my trance. I looked towards the sound and tilted my head. An adorable, grey rabbit was jumping towards me, almost camouflaged in the stone, and I looked behind it and couldn't help but laugh. The monster was a rabbit. Somehow, thanks to the cute fellow, I loosened up and left the cave after getting my evidence for Ravi. Also, I'm gonna make him ride a roller coaster next-his worst fear!