Can I go now? I don’t want to die but I want it all to just stop.

I am so tired. That's all I can think. My body is broken in so many little ways, my mind too. It's death by 1000 cuts but I keep going?

Everything hurts. My health is just getting worse for no reason. My husband cheated on me. I can't take care of myself. Nothing gets better. I try and I try. I put on a brave face. I pretend I'm ok. Sometimes I feel ok. But more often I feel like I'm dying.

I do all the right things. If you ask "have you tried?" The answer is probably yes. At this point a lobotomy seems to be the only thing left. Even my doctor is sick of trying to help me. I think she thinks I'm a hypochondriac when really I'm just falling apart.

I don't want to keep going. I want to fade away. To curl in on myself until I disappear.

Soon I will eat something. In a few hours I will shower and go to bed. Tomorrow I will go to work. Tomorrow night I will probably feel this pain take over me again and the cat trays will go uncleaned, the dishes unwashed and the mess uncleaned. I can't do anything.