God only knows, what I’d be, without meditation

Over 50 years ago, I was a student, 4.0, both graduate and undergraduate engineering, married to a girl from my high school class, following along from what I saw around me.

But what was starting to show, horrors, leading to three sibling suicides (and later 2 nephews), and the question about all of it everywhere!

Today, I have a profound isolation. Cancer treatment, over 10 years ago, leaves my body old and frail, and restricts me, with its needs for care, from little apart from that care, that I quietly carry out at home.

My wife’s death, six years ago, and my best friend and neighbor death recently, are further profound and stark losses.

Yet, I may never have been happier than right now!

Often, when not just meeting needs, I lie in meditation. And this stillness, quiets the little turmoils in my body happening much of the other times. And commonly, I lie completely fulfilled, moments of freedom from past suffering and errors, and a bigger space, than around me I was ever told of.

So, back when there was only question that arose to me, Cat Stevens sang a song, and I could sing the lines with him, and did, and mean it personally more than most anything else I could say. The words stood as true!

If they were right, 

I’d agree, 

but it’s them they know not me, now, 

there’s a way, 

and I know, 

that I have to go away! 

I know, 

I have to go….