I’m stupid.

I am genuinely a dense person, whether it be socially or academically.
I can complete simple tasks and do what I’m told (as long as those instructions are very, very clear or written down), but I cannot form complete thoughts in my brain. It’s either that, or I dont have any thoughts at all.
Because of this phenomenon, I struggle to think before I act or even process things the same level as others. I often find myself interrupting other people or saying things that literally do not make sense, even to myself. I cannot keep a continuous conversation without forgetting about what was just said/happened, or what my original point was. Social cues fly over my head.
This easily spills over into academics. I can’t focus on a lecture at all most of the time, or I fixate on the minute details instead of the bigger picture. It’s torture studying, because I feel like I have to do triple the effort of my peers just to fully comprehend something.
Additionally, with how out of touch I am, I don’t have many core memories. I can barely remember my entire life besides the big, big major events that shapes my living situation today. I feel like a spectator of my own body, a husk of a human being at this rate.
I feel embarrassed to even talk to people a lot of the time, and it really does hurt because I do love talking and hanging out with people. I’ve had many people passively call me stupid, and I can’t even come up with any witty response because of the lack of things going on in my brain. I feel like I’m a burden to be around just from how much of an utterly moronic person I am, and this alone leads me to isolate myself a lot from my peers.
I’ve been trying to think full thoughts lately, but it genuinely takes a lot of effort and I always end up back to this thoughtless state anyway. I am extremely fearful of getting a job because I’m terrified I won’t do things right, and that I will embarrass myself in the long run.
My inability to think is holding me back from the life experiences or achievements I could be having and I am so, so sick of it.