WH admitted why he cheated

We went at it last night. I felt like he was just being mean to me the entire day or like how I see it is he says words that are meant to hurt me but he plays it off like he didn’t mean it like that. I popped off finally because he was poking fun at me and I realized I read everything wrong the entire day.

We talked and I said when he makes fun of me or points something out about me or corrects me, it feels like AP has one up on me. Even tho it’s been a year since I discovered his summer romance I stilll feel ugly and unlovable. He got mad and says it has nothing to do with me at all. “I cheated on you because you’re better than me. I don’t deserve you, I don’t deserve your family, I don’t even know why you picked me when I’m the most fucked up man and you can find better. I can’t control you and she was easy to control. I know I can’t control you. That’s why I cheated on you”.

I already had a feeling from our discussions from questions prior when I would have my episodes of freaking out and all. I just don’t know how to feel after he confirmed it. I don’t know what he means by the control aspect like if he didn’t feel manly enough. I feel like I get it and he explains it right there but I don’t understand what he means with the control aspect.

Still I still feel shitty. He still was choosing her, he asked her to be his girlfriend and he was actively telling her he loves her. It’s like then why didn’t you dump me to go be with her if she made you feel good? He says that he tried to be the version of him I want him to be but that’s not fair. It feels like he’s changing himself for me and idk if that’s specifically right. Like I feel like I’m holding him captive in a relationship where he’ll never feel good enough.

If anyone has been in my particular situation or has gone through my situation or understands him, what would your advice be? Or just support, idk.

Thank you.