I hate system silence

It's just stressful even though I can't feel the stress. I feel it, but I don't. I feel it happening somewhere else in the system.

The past few weeks/months were very heavy. The system is exhausted and I was fighting SI-thoughts every day, especially the last few weeks. Now there seems to be a massive change and everything feels blurred and sedated. Good thing is that I'm able to get a few things done around the house (painting walls mainly) thanks to other alters blocking entire subsystems, but it doesn't feel real. Some of my alters are pissed because the body is 'mute'. They journalled about how they want to spiral but the body just isn't responding to them.  

Tomorrow I'll see our therapist but I'm afraid to bring it up