i’m so confused and upset and i don’t know if i was groomed or if it’s just my fault

he was only 3 years older than me and we are both minors. we never had intercourse but we did do sexual things that i usually wasn’t comfortable with but i feel like i should’ve just been more firm and not let myself be convinced out of my boundaries every time i set them just because i was afraid he would leave me. i know i was extremely vulnerable due to past experiences but maybe i should’ve just ended things or never started them in the first place. i feel disgusting. i feel like it’s my fault and i feel like it’s hard to even ask other people what they think because i can’t fully explain the situation without also explaining my past and my headspace during it. i just hate myself and i wish i had just been stronger because i feel like i wasn’t groomed and it was just my fault for being that vulnerable and being a pushover