Is this a vent?

I sometimes wonder if I should just stop posting here when I think about urges because I feel invalid because I am not truly mentally ill, or have a problem maybe I'm just a failure and oversensitive, especially when safe.

If I ever go back to sh would it be a problem? For me? No. But for others yes.

So while I want to be alive, I'd only self harm when no one Wants me alive, which is impossible with friends and family, but can be possible if I become a bad person.

I would only end if everyone wants me dead or at least consider it, and if only people that want to hurt people want me alive I don't consider that good, it hasn't happened yet.

When I get diagnosed I hope I get medicated. I wish I wasn't bad weird and just oh I want to be a pokemon trainer weird. I already am medicated on anti psychotics. I guess they help? Idk.