Men: What are your thoughts on this behaviour from my partner?

Looking for impartial and unbiased opinions from the Reddit community...

My partner and I had an argument recently.. I'm neurodivergent and struggle with Executive Dysfunction which he doesn't believe in and just thinks I'm lazy. Regardless of whether or not you believe in neurodivergence, we've had multiple arguments about it and I have sat multiple times in tears trying to explain to him why his constant shaming and degrading is triggering for me since that's what I've had to deal with my entire life, and as if I don't hate myself enough for the things I struggle with.

In any case, this argument happened the night before my birthday. My partner made a semi-serious joke about my "lazy" behaviour and then became increasingly pissed off as I was upset about his joke.

(Yes, I know it's petty) I blew vape smoke in his face to demonstrate that "jokes" aren't always fun. Which made him majorly pissed off.

He didnt acknowledge me at all the next day on my birthday because of being pissed off at me because I wouldn't apologise. I told him I stood by my behaviour as I was trying to make a point. He had apologized for his joke, but an apology feels a bit redundant when the same behaviour continues repeatedly after you have identified that it bothers you. And he has said multiple times that he doesn't give a fuck about my birthday.

This is the second year in a row that he has sat in the same house as me and refused to acknowledge me on my birthday, ending with me sitting in tears on my birthday both years, because of something silly that he was pissed off at me about. The entire day.

Last year I threatened to not spend special occasions with him any more because this pattern of arguing is never ending and he can never put his emotions aside to focus on things that are important and special in life. Every birthday, Christmas, Valentine's Day, that we have been together has ended up in us spending the day alone, in the same house together, because he is constantly pissed off about something.

I know my behaviour was petty and dumb this year, and that I shouldn't have blown vape in his face. But I also don't believe that it deserves being discarded and treated like I don't matter on my birthday, sitting alone in my room crying.

Thoughts?