my large saggy breasts are impacting my quality of life

i (30F, age & sex not bra size) have had saggy breasts for as long as i can remember and they are severely impacting my quality of life.

the first time i realised that mine don’t look like others was when i was 15. my friend stayed for a sleepover and when she got changed in front of me i saw her breasts and realised that hers didn’t look like mine. this led me to researching online what breasts should look like which is how i discovered that mine were saggy.

i’ve wondered if i developed this way because before i even had proper breasts i wore a push up bra 24/7, even to sleep in. my weight has fluctuated a lot over the past 10 years (i’ve weighed everything between 39kg & 88kg) which has made them worse.

no one has seen me topless in the last 10 years, this has caused issues in every relationship i’ve had since i was 20. i haven’t owned a bikini or any bathing suit for 7 years. i don’t own any dresses or nice tops. i haven’t dated or had sex in nearly 4 years because i cringe during physical intimacy.

i have done everything in my power to accept myself. i had weekly therapy for 2.5 years, not specifically because “i hate my saggy tits” but because i told myself i must have some deep rooted self esteem issues blocking me from loving how they look. i hoped that the older i got, the less of a problem it’ll be. i’ve dreamt about getting a lift and a slight reduction for a decade now. this year i reached the point of accepting that i can’t accept how they look because i realised that i’m basically wasting my younger years being miserable about it. i decided i would start saving for a lift and reduction and i went through all my finances and wrote up a plan on how i would save for this procedure and how long it’ll take me until i can afford it ect. but then in march i found myself suddenly chronically ill and unable to work.

i feel completely stuck right now. i know that suddenly being chronically ill should be the thing im focused on instead of something so shallow and superficial but my god is it hard to want to deal with a chronic illness when you already hate the body you are in. on the days that i don’t feel so ill i want to be able to look nice and i can in the sense of putting on makeup and styling my hair but i cant in the sense of wearing a nice outfit. i cant even wear cute pyjamas to try and make myself feel better on days i dont feel good, i’m stuck in hugely oversized tshirts and hoodies. i have no hope left of being able to get a lift and reduction at an age young enough where i dont look back on my life and think “i wasted my life because of insecurity” and it’s seriously depressing me.