I think I’m done with my marriage (M40, F30)

I’m scared I’m falling out of love with my husband after 2.5 years of long distance

My husband and I have been in a long-distance marriage for 2.5 years now because of immigration. We were supposed to finally reunite this year, but our case was put on hold because of the immigration pause, and we’ve been stuck waiting.

I’ve been struggling with something I feel horrible even admitting: I feel disconnected from my husband probably 70% of the time. Sometimes I struggle to even say “I love you” because it feels forced.

The confusing part is that he really is a good man. He loves me, calls me, is usually patient with me, and tries to reassure me when I’m anxious. I know he cares about me. But I’ve also become incredibly angry and resentful toward him.

A lot has happened over the past year. One of his family members was arrested abroad after getting involved in serious criminal activity, and my husband stepped up to help with lawyers and financially support their family. I understood why he felt he had to do it and tried to support him. I even cut back on the financial help he was giving me because I wanted to give him some breathing room.

But things kept getting worse financially. He’s now in debt, has blown through his savings, working two jobs, paying a mortgage, and still dealing with the legal expenses.

Meanwhile, we’ve tried to meet several times since the immigration pause, and every single time another family crisis came up and the trip was cancelled. (We’ve met twice in two years, all for a week or less).

He’s now told me he can’t afford to come see me or plan another vacation for at least a year.

I understand that he genuinely can’t afford it. But emotionally, I’m exhausted.

I’ve spent this entire year telling him how badly I need him, how lonely I am, and how much this separation is affecting me. At the same time, I know he’s under enormous pressure too.

I feel like I’m stuck between understanding his situation and being incredibly angry that our marriage keeps getting pushed aside.

I still believe I love him. I still want to be with him and have a life together. But I’m starting to wonder if 2.5 years of separation, uncertainty, cancelled plans, financial stress, and feeling emotionally neglected has just worn my feelings down.

Has anyone experienced this? Did your feelings come back once you were finally living together, or is this something I should take more seriously?